THIS WEEK IN LITERARY HISTORY

Thomas Hardy gets wasted, sells his wife and child, and thinks, "This is an awesome idea for a novel."

Earworms

Carbon Dating

May 2013
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When Katniss Met Oswald

The success of these books proves, without a doubt in my mind, that successful writers are, essentially, actors in disguise. . . . → Read More: When Katniss Met Oswald

Obsessed With Obsessions

Numbers, which are a human invention, exist in their own dimension independent of human understanding. . . . → Read More: Obsessed With Obsessions

The Island of Misfit Blog Ideas

I have deleted thousands of unnecessary words in my day, but what’s much harder for me is getting rid of ideas. I collect them like a compulsive hoarder, never trashing a single thought, no matter if the bulk of them are threatening to keel over and smother me like Homer and Langley Collier. . . . → Read More: The Island of Misfit Blog Ideas

My Reading Fate Is in Your Hands

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now that the issues of fabulist memoirs, horndog governors, Hillary’s Nietschean Will to Power and Obama’s Wacko Spiritual Guide have received proper treatment, let’s get to something far more important: what book will I read next? 

I’m close to finishing Sean Wilsey’s "Oh, the Glory of It All," a heartbreaking (and true) memoir of growing up with narcissistic parents who put the "fucked up" in "fucked up family." But with all my books in storage for another year, only a handful of slim volumes populate the bookshelves, encased in Ziploc bags (see above).

What’s more, Wife has gotten all medival on my ass, and has strongly suggested that we limit purchases of new books until the bedbug plague has been eliminated. With a paucity of choices, I should have a simple time making a decision, but oddly, it’s had the opposite effect: with limited resources and being too lazy to walk the five blocks to the library, I can’t decide what next to read.

So I’m going to let you do that for me.

Vote for one of the three texts below in the comments section. I’ll read whatever gets the most votes; if you feel strongly about something else, you can mount a write-in campaign, and I’ll beg Wife to let me buy a new book.

Then I’ll review it in this space with all the wit and wisdom you’ve come to expect from me, which is minimal.

 THE CONTENDAHS

1. Ralph Ellison by Arnold Rampersad

Author of my favorite American novel of the 20th Century, Ralph Ellison has been an inspiration as a writer, if not a person. I’ve had this on the shelf for a bit, unread. The big question no one has ever adequately answered: after publishing "Invisible Man" to universal acclaim in the early 1950s, why couldn’t he finish another novel?

PROS: He lived a fascinating life, was a brilliant writer, and penned the novel that, more than any other, inspired me to want to write fiction.

CONS: After reading about his sudden ascent to fame and subsequent inability to finish another book, I may want to kill myself. I’ll probably get so depressed, I’ll quit after reading 100 pages.

 

 

2. Then We Came to the End, by Joshua Ferris

It’s "The Office" meets "Catch-22" meets "The Brothers Karamatzov." Meets a novel.

PROS: The book has been called a brilliant debut with heart, humor, and compassion.

CONS: Ferris is half my age. Bastard. I’ll get pissed off at this fact, and probably quit after reading about 100 pages.

 

 

 

 

 

3. The Brief History of the Dead by Kevin Brockmeier.

I have no idea what this book is about, except it’s in the bag of books.

PROS: Could be a pleasant surprise. Nice blurbs. It’s nice to read a book without any expectations.

CONS: The clothing on cover reminds me of Keanu Reeves from "The Matrix" from the head down. Unable to shake that image, I’ll probably quit after reading 100 pages.

 

 

 

. . . → Read More: My Reading Fate Is in Your Hands

Listen to This

Books are no longer “mere words.” Novels are no longer just maps of the writer’s imagination. . . . → Read More: Listen to This

I Promised Myself

I promised that I would post something every day until Baby Raoul is born. This could be any day now, but it could be two or three weeks.

The post below got sidelined for reasons as picayune as they are dull.

What to say? I’m reading banal baby books, and my brain has turned to mush.

My eyes waver when open up something substantial.

Wife is reading “Special Topics in Calamity Physics,” which makes me want to throw up. (The author’s success, that is).

I still despise George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Republicans in general.

Some things never change.

Quiz Show

I present to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury yet more evidence that our nation is in decline simply because it does not read. This evidence, ironically enough, has been gathered from watching TV.

It story goes like this. Occasionally, I drag my sorry self to the health club, climb on a stationary bike, and begin a long trip to nowhere that will hopefully stave off until at least 2008 my inevitable knee implant. Since I sweat like a Boss Hogg in a steam room, it’s impossible for me to read as I spin the pedals. Small televisions are attached to the stationary bikes, and I’ll watch tube instead.

As perspiration drips off by the gallon, I often watch “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.” Not only does this show go far in confirming my smug sense of superiority over the American body politic, but it provides ample distraction from the pain I am enduring at the time, as well as the fact if a paramedic saw me, he’d drag me off and slap on the paddles and scream “Clear!”

Now, for anyone who has watched “Millionaire,” you will know that contestants answer multiple-choice questions that get harder as you progress. Not that I am saying I would win a million bucks, but I did observe the other day that contestants could not answer the following questions without help:

–Which of the following sections in a book is presented alphabetically? An appendix, index, table of contents, or footnotes?

–Where off Australia’s coast is the Great Barrier Reef? The NE, NW, SE, SW?

–Is Osama bin-Laudin not left-handed, 5-8, brown-eyed, or in need of a cane to walk?

(Now, I don’t know if you could answer all of these, but I’m guessing that you could answer at least one. If not, then I have seriously misjudged the readership here. Please, tell me you know the answer to the first question. Otherwise, I quit.)

It’s sexy time to read!

If you don’t know that an index appears at the back of a book, you may or not be stupid, but it definitely means you don’t read many books. Even if you’re not an insular, Ugly American, if you don’t know that the GBR is on Australia’s northeast coast, you haven’t cracked open an atlas awhile or don’t read accounts chronicling the reef’s decline.

And if one read newspapers, magazines surfed CNN.com or hell, even watched the television news once in a while, one would know 6-6 Osama is tall enough to be a power forward for the Al-Queda Buttholes.

What I found a bit sad was after not knowing what an index is, the contestant knew that the TV show “Full House” was set in San Francisco, for which I conjure images of a bathhouse in the Castro. (Which probably says something about myself that I shouldn’t have said. I mean, I’ve never been to a bathhouse. Not alone, I mean.)

Perhaps I am being a Pollyanna to believe The World Would Be a Better Place If People Read Books, but I’m thinking, these people are supposed to represent our great nation, they vote, they represent the brainpower that is supposed keep our nation an economic superpower. Let’s just quit now and succumb to the inevitable Asian takeover.

Oh, sure, I’m smug. In . . . → Read More: Quiz Show

Pay Attention

Ever see this card trick, available at a Website near you?

You may have been alerted to it by an e-mail forwarded from your uncle’s best friend’s sister’s dogsitter’s third cousin. (It’s been floating around for years.) Simply pick one of the cards below:

Concentrate on that card. Really hard! Don’t look at anything else for 15 minutes! Then click to a new screen, and viola! Your card has disappeared!

Of course, the card you picked disappeared because all the cards have disappeared. Though they resemble each other, the cards on each screen are different. The trick is predicated on the fact that you can’t remember all the cards from the first screen to the second, because you weren’t paying attention. Showing all the cards on one screen makes it obvious.

When I lined up the cards next to each other, as above, and, remembering how this trick fooled me, I thought, “I shouldn’t have put lead paint chips on my baloney sandwiches growing up, even though the chips gave it that pure crunchy goodness.”

While people pay copious sums to Ricky Jay and Penn and Teller to dazzle them, for absent-minded folks like myself, this attention deficit disorder can be a killer in the fiction game.

When we are writing fiction — really in a groove, riding that caffeinated buzz or just high on life — our attention is so sharply focused that we could cut a frozen steak with it.

If only I could keep that going. I get up to pace. I get interrupted by a phone call. I need to eat something. And so on.

Perhaps more importantly, we are constantly reminded as writers to read fiction for more than entertainment: examine the structure, characterization, symbolism, and language. Learn from Moby-Dick rather than simply enjoying it, though most people enjoy getting their thumb staple-gunned to a wall than reading Moby-Dick.

Future novelists

Wife is particularly good at this kind of reading, because she has reservoirs of discipline that never welled up in me, much less evaporated over the years. For instance, when we’re discussing books we’ve both read, wife will say something like, “The narrative voice in Ragtime is unlike anything else, and the plotting remarkable, in how the connective tissue of the historical characters all fit perfectly.

“And Doctorow can get away with so much because he has the perfect voice — the prose just flows off the page. I’ve learned so much from that book that I can use in my own writing.”

“Yes, I agree” I say, thinking, “Well, I know I liked it.”

I can blame this propensity on my abject, dissolute inability to concentrate on anything for more than six minutes, which in turn I can blame on being brought up on the television farm. I can hum the theme song from “The Price Is Right,” but I can’t verbalize what I learned from reading “Invisible Man,” one of my favorite books, other than “In order to be a great writer like Ralph Ellison, you have to write really, really great.”

(It’s unclear to me what would have happened had I been born in the era before television, particularly in the 19th Century. Ignoring the fact that I would have been a peasant in The Pale, I may have been more focused. . . . → Read More: Pay Attention