You know the feeling. You’ve started your blog with a bang, built up a network of loyal readers, then boom! you run out of steam. You stop visiting other blogs. You stop writing your own. You spend you free time surfing for you-know-what or worse, watching television.
No blog for you!
Ha, ha, just a little blog humor there. Seriously, it’s when reality—family, friends, or anal retentive, dingleberry-chomping fellow employees who spy over your shoulder and report to your boss that you’ve been “spending too much time on the Internet,” forcing me to write this out in a word processing document—intrudes.
Suddenly, you don’t have a blog entry for days! Weeks! Months!
Really, I have no idea
So how do you get “back on track” and make sure your blog gets the attention it deserves? Here’s six surefire ways that you will put your blog back in business:
1) Lots of bulleted, numbed list. The Internet is a scannable medium, so you should make your blog as scannable as possible. Even though for a writer such as myself, making a written document “scannable” is akin to saying, “Nobody gives a fuck how well-crafted your sentences are or well-formed your ideas may be — I AM ON LEVEL 129 OF ANGRY BIRDS JUST GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING INFO DAMNIT
2) Links ahoy! Make sure there are a lot of links in your blog to other sites to related content. This generates credibility with readers, and ensures that you get lots of hits from people wanting know if Joshua Bell is gay or not.
3) Short sentences. Short paragraphs. Short entries. Short short short.
4) Lots of entries, few words! Which is good for someone like me who has nothing to actually say.
5) Keywords in bold. BOLD IS GOLD!
6) Great headlines. In headlines, always put a number, proper noun or a benefit to attract readers, such as “The 6 Ways I Will Reenergize My Blog.” Or “12 Ways the Tea Party, Koch Brothers and the Republican Party Suck Donkey Balls” or “How to Make Millions and Have the Greatest Time Ever Through Reading This Blog*.”
6A) (TOTALLY AWESOME, SUPER-SECRET BONUS WAY THAT I WILL REENERGIZE MY BLOG): PØ?N! And lots of it!!!
Also, I could actually think something through, commit the idea to virtual paper, and post it here. But that would take work. And who has time for that?
Blogito, ergo sum
*Rob banks, pay for prostitutes.
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