Before this life ends,which I expect to occur sometime between 2036 and 2058,I thought I would give everybody a nice big wet kiss with wishing them a Happy New Year and hope that 2011 will be only half as miserable as 2010.
Of course,prior to 2058 I might have to end this life,which has been buffeted by anguish,constant negativity,pain,anxiety,disappointment,heartbreak,and,most of all,unfulfilled potential.
Just kidding! About the suicide joke. I certainly could not kill myself,at least in an obvious fashion,for that would mean Wife and Toddler-Brat would not receive my life insurance money,they could end up destitute,and if there’s one thing a nice Jewish boy like myself I can’t live with,it’s guilt.
Also,I cannot live with sloth. I absolutely despise it in others. But I am often slothful myself (making me what is known as a “hypocrite”)–it is the worst of my seven deadly sins besides lust,but lust at least has the end benefit of getting laid,while sloth has the end benefit of regret.*
Meaning,I regret watching three hours of vital sports entertainment action (read:pro wrestling,Lingerie Football League) yesterday that could have been spent in more productive activity,such as having a sphincter-busting bowel movement or writing this beloved blog.
So it is my New Year’s Resolution,given five days after the fact,to eradicate sloth in my literary life:I shall sit before the computer more,blog more, write more fiction, write more non-fiction,engage in more epistolary efforts,and just more words,words,words. Naturally,since the total sum of my writing the past 12 months could fit on the inside of a gum wrapper,merely writing this blog entry will match 70 percent of my efforts in 2010,which ended sometime in September.
I don’t know if all this additional bloviation will actually translate into something actually worth reading,but you can’t make such a judgement unless there is something to read.
So I am going to blog at least twice a week the next month for whatever wisp of an audience that remains reading this space. Though I more negative than a neutron and more metaphor-challenged than a…than a…
Well,hell,I updated the layout. There’s that to consider.
My message to myself is simple:“Think positive,Bookfraud,think positive. Be superpowerful. Stop making fun of Wayne Newton.”
And if you just got that joke,you really should have stayed in Las Vegas.
*Or not maybe lust isn’t so great: read “Araby”and you’ll know what I mean. Also,it’s good reading for chuckleheads who say literature doesn’t tell us anything about the wider world or how to live.
do it.