THIS WEEK IN LITERARY HISTORY

Thomas Hardy gets wasted, sells his wife and child, and thinks, "This is an awesome idea for a novel."

Earworms

Carbon Dating

August 2009
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Where I’ve Been (If You Actually Care)

overload Oh fatal ambition!

This is what happens when you decide to better yourself following that pleasantly boring interregnum called "unemployment," get a job and move cross country. You drop off the face of the Internet for several months, lose Internet service altogether, lose the four readers of your blog, and lose contact with the rest of the world.

Right now, our new apartment is a disaster. Little Boy (formerly “Baby” and “Baby-Tot”) insists he lives in his previous city and demands to visit the playgrounds of our former home. Wife is running around like a madwoman and I’m not far behind. I may turn into a woman at this rate.

So, in order to pretend that I still have a “blog” and that I’m a “writer,” I’m posting this “down n’ dirty” entry for now.  Thus I bring you…

Five Hard-Earned Lessons Learned From My Moving Trip

1. If one must attache suitcases to the roof of the rental car, make sure that they are firmly tied down so they don’t fly off on to the Interstate, making Wife nearly have a breakdown, almost causing an accident, forcing the assistance of two state troopers with crewcuts and dour demeanors, and causing you to find the nearest post office where you must mail your suitcase to your new home. Yes, you really can mail a suitcase.

2. Little Boy, now two years old (Now Two! Now Able to Answer "No!" to Everything!), does not like sleeping in hotel rooms with his parents and makes his displeasure known through not sleeping. And making copious noise punctuated by tears.

In addition, the $3.18 Disney TV show (about a talking bear who can drive a car but needs help to learn how to brush his teeth) one orders in the hotel room to pacify Little Boy will only make him go insane with lust for more craptastic $3.18 Disney TV shows and make him cry all evening in withdrawal.

3. DSL is one of the worst technical innovations of the last 400 years and should be put out of its misery with an extremely large-caliber weapon. Also, I cannot think of a suitable acronym for what DSL should stand for, though “Dong Sucking Lousiness” or “Defintely Shitty Linkage” come to mind.

4. Bad moving companies are very, very bad, but good ones are very, very good. We were lucky to have the latter. (Added so you don’t think everything was awful.)

5. No matter how many boxes you’ve opened, there’s more to follow.

If only I could say the same about my blog entries.

suburbs
My new best friend

8 comments to Where I’ve Been (If You Actually Care)

  • I have you on google reader so I am glad to see you back again! I hope that the moving stress and all that is worth it and that life in the new digs is great for you and your family. Moving with a 2-year-old can be a challenge, so kudos for not strangling him. :)

  • Welcome back. Sorry it’s been so hellish these last few months. Keep us posted as you settle in. Because you will eventually. Moving is one of the most stressful things humans do.

  • look at it this way, eventually you’re going to die and wont have a care in the world.

  • oh goodness, poor you, poor suitcase! But how wonderful to hear that you can just stick the whole thing in the mail. Glad you’ve arrived; good luck getting settled. xo

  • Tai

    Moving is one of the worst experiences in life. Worse than being waterboarded. Worse than childbirth. Worse than flying coach. My condolences. Welcome back!

  • My blog has lain fallow for far too long. I have wondered about
    you, dear Bookfraud, and your little family unit. Cross-country,
    you say. Does that mean nearer to Los Angeles?

    As for moving, glad you got through it. The boxes really never
    do end. I still have some unopened from my last move — four-plus
    years ago. Doubtless they contain sentimental treasures, else I’d
    have hauled it out to the curb by now.

    Hope you’re well! Happy Halloween! You’ve avoided posting pics
    of your toddler in a pumpkin patch / costume / stuffed inside an
    oversized gourd itself. Kudos!

  • Alright. You have to be unpacked by now. Get back to us.

  • Sending you happy holiday wishes. Hope all is well!

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