It’s actually Wife who is on the trip referred in the headline; yours truly is the one scheduled for a long vacation in the fiery pits of Hades.
Four days, to be precise. That is the number of days Wife has abandoned me, in favor of a long-weekend jaunt to parts unknown (actually, a literary event, but the details aren’t important. She might as well be meeting with a crime boss in Colombia, for all I care).
The upshot is that I am in care of Baby, all by myself, for the next four days.
Now, those of you who are caregivers in some capacity, who have faced such trials with nary a whimper or complaint, who have taken care of a child for days, weeks or months at a time, please stop laughing (and looking at me with unveiled contempt). I know things could be worse.
Such knowledge does not make life any easier, however, nor does it make the thought of 80 hours with Baby (four days minus 16 hours for day care on two weekdays) any less scary. This week has been a smackdown at work in which my ass was kicked so bad my boss needs new shoes, and Baby has been ill for most of the past few days, culminated by a newly discovered allergy to egg whites, which manifest itself in vomitus and hives that turned my poor little boy into Linda Blair for several unfortunate minutes.
(This is my excuse why I haven’t visited any blogs, or posted anything except the most narcissistic, whiny, pathetic blog entries.)
So I’ve actually decided to post some "items" that you may wish to "link to" and "comment upon." You can do so with rare insight or angry disdain, because once I post this, Baby will undoubtedly wake up from his Once-Every-Month Nap. Sic transit gloria mundi.
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According to the New York Times, Germany’s biggest selling novel (and biggest seller on Amazon’s global list), "Feuchtgebiete" (roughly translated, "Wetlands"), features pudenda shaving accidents, vivid descriptions of hemerrhoids, and avacado pits as sexual aids. I would pay good money to buy the American rights to this book, and not translate it into English.
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Also in the Times, South Carolina will make vanity license plates featuring crosses and the phrase "I Believe."
Isn’t that special. I’m just waiting for the license plate with a crescent moon, a picture of the Koran, and "Assalamu alaykum."
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As a Democrat, a liberal, and all-around worrywart envisioning eight more years of Republican hemogony, this scares me. It really scares me. I don’t think even Obama could talk this woman into voting for him.
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Finally, before you see "Sex and the City," read this first. I wish I could write with half the wit and charm as Mr. Lane, but in order to do so, one must actually be witty and charming.
I’ll see you on the other side.
Good luck with Baby, bf! And thanks for the link to the SATC article. It was indeed terrifically amusing and smart but I think he misses the point of the movie: this is a woman’s version of a high-testosterone Vin Diesel XXX (the action charater not the porn star) flick. The women in the audience aren’t taking this any more seriously than men would a Halo film…well, maybe my husband might dig that a LOT.
That woman isn’t voting for McCain; she’s drunk and angry that she
donated $2K to Hillary for nuttin! She’ll spend election day
passed out the sofa.
I think there are as many Republicans — or even more — who
loathe McCain, think Obama is not so bad and will vote for him as
Dems who will vote McCain, so it’s a wash. McCain is running such
a terrible campaign that I’m allowing myself to feel hopeful for
the first time since Nov 4, 2004.
Hey man, I feel for you. Kids wait until one parent is out of town
to get sick or to fall on their heads or to engage in public
vomiting. Good luck — you need it!
Nothing like a little fear of the black man to start off one’s morning.
We are in for some interesting times, that’s for sure.
“Like a band of hormonal hobbits obsessed with a ring.”
Effing brilliant. My kinda smarmy.
Now where the baby is concerned, take it from me: Sure, four days in a dog crate SEEMS like a great idea, but for some reason when the women come home, they get really upset at this kind of display of male ingenuity. You’ll get less flack if you hire a hooker to watch the kiddo for four days.
(Although… Not nearly as fun as hosing out the crate/bath time)
1. Well, at least you can be grateful that children are always better behaved with their dad than their mom, except for babies, that is.
2. Hmm. I can’t imagine any Jew feeling comfortable with a Star of David on their license plate.
3. “A racist with a victim complex,” said my teenager about Harriet who was also featured on the Daily Show. I think the genuine feminists know better than to vote for an anti-abortion candidate. People like Harriet just resent uppity blacks and will vote for anyone who’s white. Preferably a woman close to their age of course. But a white man a little older who’d make a good husband, why not?
4. Sex and the City. It would be nice if at least one of them couldn’t afford the rent, not to mention designer clothes. But of course then they wouldn’t be friends with her. An protege, fine. But not a friend.
I agree with rellis… there are a lot of disheartened Republicans out there. But the Democrats have been a little too busy trying to nominate someone to point this out to America.
too much vainety in the world as it is, i say leave it the magazines
I wrote about SATC on my blog and pretty much agree w/Lane and found his commentary funny–but I don’t know why the NYer had a MAN review the film.
Well, if there’s an upside to your son being sick in the manner of an exorcism, at least you were able to determine the cause with relative speed. That wait can be brutal.