In light of the hubub regarding same-sex marriage, not to mention the premier of the "Sex and the City" movie, it’s time to address one of the more pernicious linguistic constructions of the last few years: "gay."
No, I do not refer to its common use to mean "homosexual male." Or in the archaic useage of "happy" or a name. Instead, employing it as a pejorative adjective, as in, "That shirt is so gay" or "A capella singing is really gay" or "Watching the ‘Sex and the City’ movie is completely, totally, utterly gay."
It’s got to stop. I’ve been as guilty of it as the next person of saying it, but that doesn’t make it any less forgiveable.
I mean, when was the last time you heard someone say, "That bank is totally Jew," "Basketball is really Black," or "Immigrants are so Hispanic"? Probably not for 20 years, unless you spend your time at bars where the clientele arrives by swimming out of the toilet.
But when was the last time something or someone was called "gay"? Probably a few minutes ago.
Calling something "gay" is another way of calling it emasculated, stupid, and unworthy of one’s time. And by extension, that means that liking any cultural artifact associated with gays is, well, "gay."
Now, I have about as much real insight into gay culture as I do tribal Indonesian theater, but saying that there are some gay men who like to dress well, are active in musical theater, and like certain singer-divas is about as earth-shattering as saying that Imelda Marcos likes shoes.
But I like musicals
But here’s where my problem lies: I like nice clothes (despite my lousy wardrobe), musical theater, and Judy Garland (and Liza, too), and I’m not gay, or at least the last time I checked.
All these stereotypical "gay" things are good, just as most gays and lesbians are regular folk, so if someone "accuses" any thing, person, or trend as "gay," it actually is like saying that it’s good. To wit, a few years ago, a fellow member of tribe of Hebrews told me the perfect comeback when told that she "looked" Jewish: "Thank you."
This is perfect because it addresses two things at once: to say someone looks Jewish is ridiculous, and even if it were true, there’s nothing wrong with it. Sure, the offender may be referring to the size of one’s proboscis, the texture of one’s hair, or how one dresses (i.e. the size of the wallet), but why should it be an insult to be associated with being a member of the oldest religious club out there?
In fact, though you are certain to be branded an anti-Semite if you were to say I "looked Jewish" to my face, for although I am not insulted to look a certain way, it means you are engaging in stereotype: there are African Jews, Asian Jews, Arab Jews, and Jews of other ethnicities, not all that begin with the letter "A."
Now, I don’t know how other persecuted minorities feel about it, but if there’s something that makes me unconfortable, it’s when something is too "Jew-y," a direct reflection of not only my own self-loathing but the desire to assimilate — I have known people who are truly astounded that Jews love wine, women and song, of which ignorance of the last is akin to saying, "Damn — I didn’t know there were Jews in show business."
But not mine
So, starting soon, I will make periodic posts about "gay" things I like — akin to the uber-popular "Stuff White People Like." Hell, if that can generate a book deal with a $300,000 advance, maybe I could string it out.
Which would be super, duper gay.
Addendum: Superblogger Voix has noted that the citizens of the Isle of Lesbos are trying to stop use of "lesbian" to mean "lesbian." This is just so wrong that I can’t begin to imagine the implications if they prevail.
I know a few straight men in the musical theater world, and let me
Tell you, they get LOADS and LOADS of chicks.
It’s sickening.
main dude was minus the bars he closed his blog lol
I never quite knew what “that’s so gay” meant. I never thought of it as emasculated or stupid. I’ve heard teenagers say it and I never understand what they are saying anyway. I assume words that they use that have one meaning to us have a totally different meaning to them, like when “bad” meant good. So I really didn’t give it a second thought. On the other hand, I cringe when someone says “He Jewed me out of money.” I seethe. Yet the term “JAP” for Jewish American Princess was completely acceptable and ubiquitous at some point. But it’s just as bad, assuming JAPs all have money, because they are Jews. I actually recall an interview with a Jewish man in Cosmopolitan magazine whining about all the Jewish American Princesses he dated. I recall the article because I had dated him. Frankly, if anyone was a JAP it was him. And his mother. Anyway, I really wonder how gays see the term, whether they are offended or just see it as meaningless or the way I was supposed to feel back then about being a designated JAP.
Bookfraud, my love for you is eternal and enduring. What a great post! But — since when are you Jewish?
Never could understand how someone else getting married is supposed to adversely affect my own marriage. Your post reminds me of the hilarious and classic “Big Gay Al” episode of South Park with the gay animal sanctuary.
“Super!”
I’ve frequently had people exclaim, upon learning that I’m Jewish, “But you don’t look Jewish!” I’ve always wanted to say, “That’s funny, you don’t look stupid!” Now, wouldn’t that be gay?
When I was a teacher I had to have quite a few talks about homophobic language. After one of these talks a student came up to me and asked me if I had gay friends. When I said yes, he said, “Don’t you want to slap them?” So my talk didn’t really penetrate his psyche. But I tried! It didn’t help that some of my fellow teachers said things like, “that’s gay”. Hence the continuing problem…
Some people say things like “it’s so gay” because they want to be offensive, or are trying to be anti-pc, and others simply don’t think about it. I don’t know which is worse.
I know that when another student asked me if I was related to Jackie Chan she was trying to offend me. I simply told her that her question was like my asking if she was related to Denzel Washington. Offensive and improbable. (Because if I was related to Jackie Chan, I would have tried to mooch off his millions and not have been teaching at a public school in NY).
j.: i actually know someone in the same position — he was one of about 8 straight men worldwide in musicals. and he (still) gets as many gals as he chooses. i think this would have been a great strategy for me, if i could act, sing, dance, or perform in any way, shape or form, which i can’t.
rawdawgbuffalo: yes indeed.
writer reading: there are plenty of gays who are not offended by designating something as “gay,” but they’re not using it in a pejorative sense (then again, maybe they are). i’ve never cottoned to “jap” — it implies there’s something inherently jewish in being materialistic, and conversely.
i’m dying to know the interview subject in cosmo.
michele: thanks for the nice post. i’ve been jewish since i was born. not to mention the moyel’s nifty work.
leigh: of course, getting married to someone of the same sex, no matter how much you love them, will be devastating to the institution of marriage, unlike the current 50 percent divorce rate, abusive spouses, cheating spouses, marriages done for money or family prestige, and liz taylor (a gay icon who i happen to think was the most beautiful person on the planet, when she was maggie the cat).
tai: or you could also say, “and tomorrow, i could convert, and you’ll still be stupid.” when people say you don’t “look jewish,” they mean you don’t have a big enough nose, you don’t have dark hair, or you don’t have enough money.
5redpandas: sounds like a tough situation at the schoolhouse. i guess one can’t talk homophobia out of the building, especially when you’ve got other teachers engaging in it.
if you were related to jackie chan, i would have asked you on a date, since it would be the closest i could ever come to my favorite movie star. wife would understand.
when students say something is “gay” in a derogatory way, my partner Annie, who is a high school teacher, says “Do you mean it’s homosexual?” After they bumble with that for a minute she says, “Say what you mean!”
Annie’s an out lesbian and very popular teacher–so the fact that the kids use the term “gay” to mean “bad” in her presence says a lot about how deeply it’s embedded in their lingo.
Anyone who doesn’t know Jews like wine, women & song needs to read the damn bible.
“the Isle of Lesbos are trying to stop use of ‘lesbian’ to mean ‘lesbian.’ This is just so wrong that I can’t begin to imagine the implications if they prevail.”
What, no one has come up with this yet??? It’s simple, we’ll go Mid-20th Century and call it “The Island That Dares Not Be Named,” or “I TiTty DeNBuh,” for short.
Great post, great thoughts. I have never said anything was gay like you describe. But then, I’m not a guy.
People often do not realize what they are saying when they use perjoratives. Sexism, racism, and other -isms salt our speech unless we think about what we are saying.