Wife, who doesn’t read this space, claims that my posts are too long. And I don’t post enough.
"Why, my readers are sophisticated, literate thinkers who appreciate a long, reasoned sober argument," I replied. "In addition, whenever I try speaking at length at home, you cut me off."
But, as many things Wife has said, this got under my skin. So I’m going to try something completely different. For the next three days, I’m going to post three times, with each entry clocking in at about 300. The "333" plan will commence today (see below). They’re less "posts" than a buncha brain farts, but if I don’t write about them here, Wife will be forced to listen to me expostulate on these ideas for the next 40 years.
Bookfraud cubed. QED.
INTELLIGENT DESIGNED DISPROVED IN 300 WORDS
The great debate over so-called "intelligent design" as a competing theory to the theory of evolution by natural selection ends right here, right now.
Intelligent design posits that life is so complicated that only a higher power could have "designed" our natural world. (If you’re not laughing, it’s because unlike me, you don’t have two bum knees that seem to have been designed by a gas-station attendant high on OxyContin.)
Here’s the proof, or disproof of this so-called "theory." Humans — all mammals, in fact — have two eyes. In fact, we have two hands, arms, legs, ears, breasts, and nostrils. We have but one mouth, but it is graced by two lips, and we all know from which one’s excess food is excreted, making the anus having at least some duality with the orifice from which food entered the body.
But we only have one sexual organ. And it’s used for two things.
If this doesn’t disprove intelligent design, I don’t know what does.
If there were truly intelligent design, Our Maker in all of His/Her wisdom would have given men at least three schlongs: one for peein’, one for sinnin’, and one from which to hang ornaments.
If we have ten digits on our hands and feet, you’d think we’d at least have five penises. You could count with them, wear your wedding band on one, use one as a pointer, or give new meaning to "giving someone the finger." It could be "giving someone a boner."
(As for women having mutiple vaginas, I’m not going there. Thought it would be totally cool, if done tastefully).
So all of you vigilantes stalking out school board meetings, your argument is toast. Nobody "designed" us, but we evolved over hundreds of thousands of years. And you actually listened to biologists or read "The Origin of Species," you might learn something.
But you don’t have the balls.
It also doesn’t make much sense that the penis is all the way down between our legs, and not at eye level. True intelligent design would have the penis on the head or on the face so we could more easily communicate our feelings to our mates.
A penis essay in 333, done tastefully.
This calls to wonder what our biological form will look like in 1,000 years. All these organs and global warming. What a combo.
Me thinks Baby Bookfraud needs to move back to his crib for a while & let the adults indulge.
This made me laugh – nicely done rant in 333 words! Looking forward to the next one!
neil: my zadeh used to say the same thing. why not on the palm of your hand, and the lady’s sex on her shoulder blade, he wondered. it would give “how are you?” and a tap on the shoulder new meaning.
five husbands: everything i do is in the best of taste, except when it’s not.
writerkat: i’m scared to think what we’re going to look like come the next millennium. horrible, mutated aliens, or jocelyn wildenstein.
i don’t understand what you’re saying about letting the adults “indulge.” i just don’t.
verbivore: glad i could make you laugh at this rant. doubt the next one will, however.
I am actually having my class debate the teaching of Intelligent Design tomorrow (I teach an intro teacher ed class). If the anti-ID side starts to lose, I will sneak them a copy of your blog, inevitably sending them on to debate victory.
In debunking Intelligent Design (well done!), you have unwittingly created a new belief: Indifferent Design. Fortunately, its followers are too lazy to attend school board meetings.
Honestly, I don’t know. Some of the people, who so avidly champion intelligent design, seemed not to have evolved at all.
Our sexual organs are used for only 2 things?
Um, maybe you should ask your wife about this?
I have so missed out on this fun. Why didn’t you come ’round and advertise a bit, eh??
The only comment I have: women are beautiful from head to toe. Men are beautiful from toe to mid-thigh, and then from waist to head. (Occassionally.)
Proof that ID is false. I rest my case.
I’m with SSS on this one…. we were definitely entitled to some advertising and a little bit of notice!
I, for one, was really hoping you “would go there” about the multiple vaginas. It would really bring a whole new meaning to multiple orgasms.
As much as I love my spouse, I find his presence in my online life stifling, much for the same reason above. I’m always not doing *something* that would make me readable, when all I want to do is write. I open a vein and empty my brain. It’s as long as it is.
What’s this about multiple vaginas? Will you be have longer posts regarding that because, seriously, that makes the brain sit up and bark.