Ahab had the whale. Javert had Valjean. I have the Bugaboo.
Let me explain. I have not really blogged much about the upcoming arrival in our house, for the mere reason I want to keep my family out of this, kind of like Dick Cheney keeps his lesbian daughter out of the news unless it suits him politically.
But the welling up of frustration and mounting bills has forced me to expound angrily on what I suspected but did not fully admit to myself: even before my child breathes his first gulps of air, I have spent tons of money, energy, and emotional capital on him.
I am fully convinced that weddings and babies are the biggest corporate rip off ever foisted upon the middle class. A wedding preys upon ones fears that a one-day event will not be perfect in the eyes of the guests; an impending birth preys upon the fears that a rest-of-your-life event cannot be considered successful unless you have the Biggest, Most Expensive Crap for Your Child. Otherwise, one will be the worst of all possible things, worst than being a serial philanderer or heroin addict or someone who hates Uma Thurman: you will be a BAD PARENT.
If you have ever endured this nesting-buying marathon before, you will know that most of the baby crap is, well, overpriced, low-quality crap. And when you want to spend some money to really get something nice for your kid, it turns out to be a joke.
To wit, Wife and I spent a humiliating afternoon trying to find PC, environmentally OK diapers that cost less than first quarter revenues at Google. Fuggetaboutit. You can get Huggies and save some dough, or get bleach-free, gel-free, biodegradable diapers that will seriously impede your ability to pay for food and shelter.
We’ve chosen a crib, bassinet, rug, diaper changing station, bottles, and car seat with the utmost care. The kid has a billion hand-me-downs, enough to clothe him for his first year. Most of the stuff we’ve bought, we’ve done the research and gotten off (relatively) cheap.
Then comes the matter of strollers.
I have warned our great nation about the plague known as Thomas the Tank Engine, and have watched my spleen explode as I rail against adults appropriating children’s holidays. Now, I come to something just as nefarious. Something called The Bugaboo. And if you bought one, I don’t despise you, but I wonder just what the hell were you thinking.
A Bugaboo is a nifty, lightweight stroller that is truly an impressive feat of engineering. It has a nice, smooth ride, and adjust to many different stroller positions. It looks swell and was featured on “Sex and the City.” It’s the stroller pictured above, courtesy of a company out of Amsterdam.
And it only costs $800.
Conspicuous consumption is bad enough, but when you use a baby for it, I start to question your fitness as a parent. I’m sure that someone reading this has a Bugaboo, I’m sure a friend of family member has a Bugaboo, and I’m sure you’re thinking, don’t be a pompous ass.
(But being a pompous ass is one of the benefits of blogging).
In that spirit, I am trying to figure out a way to halt sales of the Bugaboo. I will claim it’s a safety hazard (not true), that it retards childhood development (not true), that Bugaboo owners are more likely to forget their children’s birthdays, vaccinations, and deadlines for getting their brat into their first-grade SAT cramming class (perhaps true).
If you want to spend some bux on a nice stroller, fine. Make it a $350 stroller, put the rest in your child’s college fund (and believe me, every Bugaboo owner has a college fund) or give it to charity. Stop making your child a fashion accessory. Set a good example. Be a good parent.
Whew. Glad that’s out of my system. Next time: Bookfraud rails against someone at work.
Jesus Jehovah! That’s the Hummer of strollers!
Congrats on the baby!
CP.
Jesus Jehovah! That’s the Hummer of strollers!
Congrats on the baby!
CP.
Jesus Jehovah! That’s the Hummer of strollers!
Congrats on the baby!
CP.
You can take the boy out of the crunchy rarified world of Quetico, but you can’t take the crunch out of the boy. I feel your pain. I had a minor breakdown at babie-r-us over the tremendous amount of crap marketed to the unsuspecting parents to be. When you feel overwhemed, remember what the folks in the old country had… bupkus and they managed to raise some of the best minds ever.
Two suggestions, from my vast experience: The Maclaren Techno stroller, you can use it from birth, it is lightweight and not the size of a small SUV. A great city stroller. It can go on public transportation with ease and you will not get as big a dose of stink eye as the people with the behemouth strollers. We’ve used ours for 5 years straight (so the price is really not an issue), the tires are bald, but it keeps chugging. Go to http://www.dmart2000.com and get last years model.
Also, diaper wise, we went with HuggyBunz, cutesy but good. When not feeling sanctimonious, we use Huggies. They don’t have the fragrence of the other brands. I also use cloth wipes for the A Train and it is much better than the disposable wipes. I’ll share all if you are interested.
oops, it’s fuzzy bunz, not enough coffee
You can take the boy out of the crunchy rarified world of Quetico, but you can’t take the crunch out of the boy. I feel your pain. I had a minor breakdown at babie-r-us over the tremendous amount of crap marketed to the unsuspecting parents to be. When you feel overwhemed, remember what the folks in the old country had… bupkus and they managed to raise some of the best minds ever.
Two suggestions, from my vast experience: The Maclaren Techno stroller, you can use it from birth, it is lightweight and not the size of a small SUV. A great city stroller. It can go on public transportation with ease and you will not get as big a dose of stink eye as the people with the behemouth strollers. We’ve used ours for 5 years straight (so the price is really not an issue), the tires are bald, but it keeps chugging. Go to http://www.dmart2000.com and get last years model.
Also, diaper wise, we went with HuggyBunz, cutesy but good. When not feeling sanctimonious, we use Huggies. They don’t have the fragrence of the other brands. I also use cloth wipes for the A Train and it is much better than the disposable wipes. I’ll share all if you are interested.
You can take the boy out of the crunchy rarified world of Quetico, but you can’t take the crunch out of the boy. I feel your pain. I had a minor breakdown at babie-r-us over the tremendous amount of crap marketed to the unsuspecting parents to be. When you feel overwhemed, remember what the folks in the old country had… bupkus and they managed to raise some of the best minds ever.
Two suggestions, from my vast experience: The Maclaren Techno stroller, you can use it from birth, it is lightweight and not the size of a small SUV. A great city stroller. It can go on public transportation with ease and you will not get as big a dose of stink eye as the people with the behemouth strollers. We’ve used ours for 5 years straight (so the price is really not an issue), the tires are bald, but it keeps chugging. Go to http://www.dmart2000.com and get last years model.
Also, diaper wise, we went with HuggyBunz, cutesy but good. When not feeling sanctimonious, we use Huggies. They don’t have the fragrence of the other brands. I also use cloth wipes for the A Train and it is much better than the disposable wipes. I’ll share all if you are interested.
oops, it’s fuzzy bunz, not enough coffee
oops, it’s fuzzy bunz, not enough coffee
I got a stroller from a thrift store for 99 cents and the kids wore whatever diapers were on sale in the biggest pack. They are pretty happy and fairly healthy and the world did not come to an end.
I got a stroller from a thrift store for 99 cents and the kids wore whatever diapers were on sale in the biggest pack. They are pretty happy and fairly healthy and the world did not come to an end.
I got a stroller from a thrift store for 99 cents and the kids wore whatever diapers were on sale in the biggest pack. They are pretty happy and fairly healthy and the world did not come to an end.
Congratulations!! I saw a TV show with Anne Heche as a character, in which she bought a stroller for a couple at a baby shower and it was revealed it was like $800 and I bet it was a Bugaboo. What a Bugaboo really is, is the Manolo Blahnik of strollers which means it is as equally as useless which means more people than I want to think about have probably shelled out money for one (or two! Can you imagine?). I have to go despair now. $800. Cringe.
Congratulations!! I saw a TV show with Anne Heche as a character, in which she bought a stroller for a couple at a baby shower and it was revealed it was like $800 and I bet it was a Bugaboo. What a Bugaboo really is, is the Manolo Blahnik of strollers which means it is as equally as useless which means more people than I want to think about have probably shelled out money for one (or two! Can you imagine?). I have to go despair now. $800. Cringe.
Congratulations!! I saw a TV show with Anne Heche as a character, in which she bought a stroller for a couple at a baby shower and it was revealed it was like $800 and I bet it was a Bugaboo. What a Bugaboo really is, is the Manolo Blahnik of strollers which means it is as equally as useless which means more people than I want to think about have probably shelled out money for one (or two! Can you imagine?). I have to go despair now. $800. Cringe.
I went with a girl friend of mine the other day on lunchbreak to this fancy baby store where a fucking rattle cost $25. I was like, honey, just go to Target. It’s a baby…they aren’t gonna know the difference.
I went with a girl friend of mine the other day on lunchbreak to this fancy baby store where a fucking rattle cost $25. I was like, honey, just go to Target. It’s a baby…they aren’t gonna know the difference.
I went with a girl friend of mine the other day on lunchbreak to this fancy baby store where a fucking rattle cost $25. I was like, honey, just go to Target. It’s a baby…they aren’t gonna know the difference.