I thought about calling this post “Illness as Metaphor.” However, that would represent a kind of intellectual plagiarism, as well as skirting the matter, and I have read about as much Susan Sontag as I have Vladimir Polensk Isneninov (out of print).
There’s no gentle or cerebral way to put it: I suffer from frequent illnesses of the bacterial variety, and I will probably not be relieved of this condition for the rest of my years.
These colds— attacks of sinusitis, to be precise — have plagued me for most of my adulthood. Though one can take preventive steps to avoid contracting them, once I get sick, it’s Mucous City, Exhaustionville, City of Slug.
When I get sick, it’s also a great excuse not to write, not to blog, not to visit other’s blogs. And I they can help me ignore world poverty, the war in Iraq, global warming or any other inconvenient truths that my mess up my fragile psyche.
As Wife heads down the road to delivery and I down the road to impending happiness and responsibility, I realize how much this tendency to become ill makes me rather melancholy. I’ve been able to attend work, and been managing to post to the blog, but the rest of blogworld has been a void — no visits, no comments, nothing.
I catch sinus infections at predictable times: changes in the weather, lack of sleep, time spent in arid places (after four days in Las Vegas without a humidifier, I came back ill. So much for what happens there staying there. Does that slogan also mean VD?).
Sinusitis will turn you into this man
The latest such incident comes after a trip to visit my wife’s family over the holidays. I awaited at a gate full of screaming children and rode in an airplane with recirculated air. I slept in dry apartment and would wake up feeling as if someone had an extremely large finger up my nose. I ate a lot of food saturated in fat and drank at least one too many beers each night.
By the time we returned, I couldn’t breathe out of my nose. Each night I slept with open mouth, and I often I awoke with the sensation that somebody had been dumping sand down my throat.
For those uninitiated with sinus infections, they are a beast of a particular nature. Not really a “cold,” but not the flu, either, they are marked by heavy congestion, exhaustion, and massive amounts of mucous (of such a particular green-brown-yellow tint that trying to describe it would do it no justice).
The thing that sucks about getting a sinus infection is that it lays you low for a couple of weeks, but not badly enough to miss work. It makes you unproductive, listless, and stupid, which makes for a great imitation of the incompetent managerial class. One is essentially transformed into a life-support system for a snot factory.
About a dozen years ago, things had gotten so bad that I was getting sick every month. I had been to doctors – many doctors, each who had his own, incorrect theory about the source of my misery. I had allergies. Asthma. Chronic fatigue syndrome. I probably would have been diagnosed with mad cow had it been in vogue.
Finally, it occurred to me that perhaps an otolaryngologist (you know, an ear, nose, throat dude) just might be the right person to see. It was found that I had polyps blocking my nasal passages that would require surgery. The surgery was a success, and the frequency and severity of my colds decreased. But the sinus infections never went away completely.
The problem with sinusitis is that it lays both your body and mind inoperable. You can spend hours staring at a computer screen, having forgotten why you even turned on the computer in the first place.
Germ warfare
I imagine that these bouts of infections will become more frequent after our son is born, being that parental sleep becomes as precious as that stupid ring Gollem kept wheezing over. I’m already worried that I will never have time to write once the child has taken over our lives, and that I am likely to be ill much of the time makes me more neurotic still.
Then again, they say early parenthood is like feeling you’re sick all the time. Perhaps this has been this cosmic training, my body’s way of preparing me for fatherhood, all the suffering for all those years having a real purpose in life.
OK, now that has been settled, I have to blow my nose for two minutes straight.
I feel as if you’ve reached across the divide and touched my nose. When I lived in Jamaica it was pretty terrible, but somehow, since living in Canada, it rarely bothers me. Not that I want to gloat or anything.
I feel as if you’ve reached across the divide and touched my nose. When I lived in Jamaica it was pretty terrible, but somehow, since living in Canada, it rarely bothers me. Not that I want to gloat or anything.
I feel as if you’ve reached across the divide and touched my nose. When I lived in Jamaica it was pretty terrible, but somehow, since living in Canada, it rarely bothers me. Not that I want to gloat or anything.
I’ll give you the ugly truth, after the little bookfraud is born, no one will care if you don’t feel well. Wife will have less empathy (if she has any now). So as all the things that people tell you to savor before the little nipper is born (sleep, fine dining, no toys strewn around the home) add a “I don’t feel good” pity party. Hugs.
News for you.
With parenthood, you don’t have TIME to be sick.
You just totally diagnosed me. Thanks, Dr. Bookfraud. I’m in the middle of all theses tests and last week, I decided I’m through. I feel over-medicated and in no mood for diagnoses. I’ll just take it as it comes. This post was better worth another $20 copay. You rock.
Jeez Book. How awful. Thanks for a great reminder on how lucky a person is not having to deal with chronic health issues.
I have one, some right shoulder problems, but it is relatively minor.
As for your non-blogginess, you are sadly missed at SLAA.
I’ll give you the ugly truth, after the little bookfraud is born, no one will care if you don’t feel well. Wife will have less empathy (if she has any now). So as all the things that people tell you to savor before the little nipper is born (sleep, fine dining, no toys strewn around the home) add a “I don’t feel good” pity party. Hugs.
I’ll give you the ugly truth, after the little bookfraud is born, no one will care if you don’t feel well. Wife will have less empathy (if she has any now). So as all the things that people tell you to savor before the little nipper is born (sleep, fine dining, no toys strewn around the home) add a “I don’t feel good” pity party. Hugs.
News for you.
With parenthood, you don’t have TIME to be sick.
News for you.
With parenthood, you don’t have TIME to be sick.
imani: rarely does one prefer the climes of canada to jamaica, but if it works for you, not bad, eh. go leafs!
cheraldo: you have not disabused me of any notions i already have disabused. the little one doesn’t care if you’ve got a cold — and wife even less.
bernita: is this a good thing?
fringes: if you must go to a doctor, make sure it’s an ent. the only people who know what they’re talking about here.
phoenix: well, it’s not like i have lou gehrig’s disease here. but glad to have helped you remember that good health is all one can really ask for.
BF, you’ll appreciate this, the only time I saw an ent was in high school. He went on about my “beautiful nose” for a Jewish girl. I did not understand it until I got to college and a) realized he knew I was Jewish by my last name and b) saw all the sweet 16 nose jobs. Feel better.
You just totally diagnosed me. Thanks, Dr. Bookfraud. I’m in the middle of all theses tests and last week, I decided I’m through. I feel over-medicated and in no mood for diagnoses. I’ll just take it as it comes. This post was better worth another $20 copay. You rock.
You just totally diagnosed me. Thanks, Dr. Bookfraud. I’m in the middle of all theses tests and last week, I decided I’m through. I feel over-medicated and in no mood for diagnoses. I’ll just take it as it comes. This post was better worth another $20 copay. You rock.
Jeez Book. How awful. Thanks for a great reminder on how lucky a person is not having to deal with chronic health issues.
I have one, some right shoulder problems, but it is relatively minor.
As for your non-blogginess, you are sadly missed at SLAA.
Jeez Book. How awful. Thanks for a great reminder on how lucky a person is not having to deal with chronic health issues.
I have one, some right shoulder problems, but it is relatively minor.
As for your non-blogginess, you are sadly missed at SLAA.
imani: rarely does one prefer the climes of canada to jamaica, but if it works for you, not bad, eh. go leafs!
cheraldo: you have not disabused me of any notions i already have disabused. the little one doesn’t care if you’ve got a cold — and wife even less.
bernita: is this a good thing?
imani: rarely does one prefer the climes of canada to jamaica, but if it works for you, not bad, eh. go leafs!
cheraldo: you have not disabused me of any notions i already have disabused. the little one doesn’t care if you’ve got a cold — and wife even less.
bernita: is this a good thing?
fringes: if you must go to a doctor, make sure it’s an ent. the only people who know what they’re talking about here.
phoenix: well, it’s not like i have lou gehrig’s disease here. but glad to have helped you remember that good health is all one can really ask for.
fringes: if you must go to a doctor, make sure it’s an ent. the only people who know what they’re talking about here.
phoenix: well, it’s not like i have lou gehrig’s disease here. but glad to have helped you remember that good health is all one can really ask for.
BF, you’ll appreciate this, the only time I saw an ent was in high school. He went on about my “beautiful nose” for a Jewish girl. I did not understand it until I got to college and a) realized he knew I was Jewish by my last name and b) saw all the sweet 16 nose jobs. Feel better.
BF, you’ll appreciate this, the only time I saw an ent was in high school. He went on about my “beautiful nose” for a Jewish girl. I did not understand it until I got to college and a) realized he knew I was Jewish by my last name and b) saw all the sweet 16 nose jobs. Feel better.
Hi and happy new year
Hi and happy new year
Hi and happy new year
Sinusitis schminusitis. Try getting a migraine that makes you yak up last week’s dinner.
Also, Bernita was right. But what she neglected to tell you was that baby boys can shoot poop 2 feet across the room. I’m not kidding–I witnessed my nephew do this over the holidays. Two feet! Across the room!My brother was so proud of this until his wife made him responsible for cleaning it up.
On the bright side, you’ll find that your clogged sinuses will come in very handy during those moments.
Sinusitis schminusitis. Try getting a migraine that makes you yak up last week’s dinner.
Also, Bernita was right. But what she neglected to tell you was that baby boys can shoot poop 2 feet across the room. I’m not kidding–I witnessed my nephew do this over the holidays. Two feet! Across the room!My brother was so proud of this until his wife made him responsible for cleaning it up.
On the bright side, you’ll find that your clogged sinuses will come in very handy during those moments.
Sinusitis schminusitis. Try getting a migraine that makes you yak up last week’s dinner.
Also, Bernita was right. But what she neglected to tell you was that baby boys can shoot poop 2 feet across the room. I’m not kidding–I witnessed my nephew do this over the holidays. Two feet! Across the room!My brother was so proud of this until his wife made him responsible for cleaning it up.
On the bright side, you’ll find that your clogged sinuses will come in very handy during those moments.
I feel for you and the sinus issues. My guy, Unfriendly has chronic sinsus issues and cannot function without Claritin. He also works through his sinus infections.
I am a miserable baby, on the other hand. Sinus infections lay me out.
And boy..was I not paying attention earlier? Congrats on ze pending fatherhood.
I feel for you and the sinus issues. My guy, Unfriendly has chronic sinsus issues and cannot function without Claritin. He also works through his sinus infections.
I am a miserable baby, on the other hand. Sinus infections lay me out.
And boy..was I not paying attention earlier? Congrats on ze pending fatherhood.
I feel for you and the sinus issues. My guy, Unfriendly has chronic sinsus issues and cannot function without Claritin. He also works through his sinus infections.
I am a miserable baby, on the other hand. Sinus infections lay me out.
And boy..was I not paying attention earlier? Congrats on ze pending fatherhood.