As I have been virtually invisible online the past couple of weeks for reasons that have nothing to do with my health, believe it or not, and, because I am leaving town for the weekend, I have decided to post the down-n-dirty blogger’s crutch, the “list” post, for no other reason that I have been suffering “guilt” over the fact I’ve been invisible, and feel I need to publish something before I depart. (Make sense? Doesn’t to me.)
For me, books are the obvious list-maker to address, but movies are easiest to do, and so I offer a couple of lists devoted to the Art of Cinema, published in concert with the highly anticipated premier of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.”
(Will someone tell me whose idea it was to include “Dead Man’s Chest” in the title? The images that come to mind are gruesome. At least make sure that the dead man’s chest doesn’t resemble Alec Baldwin’s or Andy Garcia’s, men whose hirsute torsos resemble the Amazon rain forest viewed from above.)
I love movies as much as the next fellow, but I am hardly a student of the genre and cannot discuss film in any manner befitting a cineaste. Or in any matter befitting an idiot, for that matter.
Though I don’t know Art but I know what I like, I do have one insight into the matter of these lists: the older one gets, the less likely it is that one will discover your all-time book, movie, or piece of music.
Such revelations happen all the time, of course, and it wasn’t until I had passed 32 that I first saw “Touch of Evil” (see below). But had I seen it at 22 or 18, it would affected me in a way that it could not have years later. The simple reasons for this are:
–You’re young, impressionable, and once you get out of high school, realize it’s a good thing to become cultured. You want to educate yourself. You want to find something that speaks to you in a way most pieces of art cannot.
–When you’re younger, there is a tendency to find things that make you “better,” and, out of high school, talking about them won’t get you beaten up.
–You have raging hormones, and for losers like me who couldn’t get laid with pre-paid prostitution calling card, you have to direct that energy elsewhere.
Dream come true
So, without further introduction.
My Favorite 10 Movies That Make Me Look Smarter Than I Really Am:
10. Brazil
9. Y Tu Mama Tambien
8. The Magnificent Ambersons
7. Yojimbo
6. Talk to Her
5. Jules et Jim
4. Rashomon
3. Touch of Evil
2. The Seven Samurai
1. Citizen Kane
If you see a pattern here, you win! No prizes, though.
My Favorite 10 Movies That Make Me Look Stupider Than I Really Am:
10. Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery
9. The Man From S.E.X.
8. The Men Behind the Music (Devo)
7. South Park: The Movie
Chantastic!
6. The Naked Gun
5. Any and all of The Three Stooges (Curly Howard only)
4. Police Story
3. Office Space
2. Drunken Master II
1. This Is Spinal Tap
I imagine that “Tap,” “Office Space,” and the two Jackie Chan movies don’t make me look dumb, but I wouldn’t bring them up in conversation. Then again, I usually do.
Comment and have a great World Cup weekend.
You are so dead when Michele hears you call list posts a “crutch.” Next thing, you’ll be calling Letters to God posts a cry for help.
You are so dead when Michele hears you call list posts a “crutch.” Next thing, you’ll be calling Letters to God posts a cry for help.
You are so dead when Michele hears you call list posts a “crutch.” Next thing, you’ll be calling Letters to God posts a cry for help.
I love Brazil. Could I explain it? Not really.
My favorite that I feel makes me appear dumber-Zoolander. I have no idea why, but it cracks me the hell up.
I love Brazil. Could I explain it? Not really.
My favorite that I feel makes me appear dumber-Zoolander. I have no idea why, but it cracks me the hell up.
I love Brazil. Could I explain it? Not really.
My favorite that I feel makes me appear dumber-Zoolander. I have no idea why, but it cracks me the hell up.
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.
Dumb?
Label me moronic.
Have seen only the Naked Gun.
If anything, some of those movies should make you feel smarter. As in smart that you didn’t write them, I mean.
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.
Dumb?
Label me moronic.
Have seen only the Naked Gun.
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.
Dumb?
Label me moronic.
Have seen only the Naked Gun.
“Touch of Evil” is superb, especially if you’re talking about the restored version that was edited by Walter Murch.
I picked up on your Orson Welles pattern. Have you seen “The Third Man”? or “The Lady from Shanghi”?
My favorite “makes me dumber” movie right now is “The Girl Next Door”
If anything, some of those movies should make you feel smarter. As in smart that you didn’t write them, I mean.
If anything, some of those movies should make you feel smarter. As in smart that you didn’t write them, I mean.
LOL @ dead man’s chest. Do they mean a treasure chest or literally a man’s chest?
)
“Touch of Evil” is superb, especially if you’re talking about the restored version that was edited by Walter Murch.
I picked up on your Orson Welles pattern. Have you seen “The Third Man”? or “The Lady from Shanghi”?
My favorite “makes me dumber” movie right now is “The Girl Next Door”
“Touch of Evil” is superb, especially if you’re talking about the restored version that was edited by Walter Murch.
I picked up on your Orson Welles pattern. Have you seen “The Third Man”? or “The Lady from Shanghi”?
My favorite “makes me dumber” movie right now is “The Girl Next Door”
You missed out on “Team America”!
LOL @ dead man’s chest. Do they mean a treasure chest or literally a man’s chest?
)
LOL @ dead man’s chest. Do they mean a treasure chest or literally a man’s chest?
)
You missed out on “Team America”!
You missed out on “Team America”!
brian f.: i get home, check my blog, and i get threats. this is not what i signed up for.
madame d.: i could explain it, but i don’t think i’d understand what i’m saying.
bernita: i’m not sure what you’re saying, but i think it may be a compliment. or not.
Good smart movies. Mind if I steal your list ideas for a post sometime?
quinn: i love welles, indeed. have seen “third man” and “lady from shanghai,” which has the bonus of having rita hayworth well.
rebecca: i would have been proud to have written any of those movies. word.
m.e. ellis: methinks they mean “treasure chest,” but never put anything past hollywood.
michelle: how could i forget? we’re america — fuck yeah!
jordan: feel free to steal anytime.
brian f.: i get home, check my blog, and i get threats. this is not what i signed up for.
madame d.: i could explain it, but i don’t think i’d understand what i’m saying.
bernita: i’m not sure what you’re saying, but i think it may be a compliment. or not.
brian f.: i get home, check my blog, and i get threats. this is not what i signed up for.
madame d.: i could explain it, but i don’t think i’d understand what i’m saying.
bernita: i’m not sure what you’re saying, but i think it may be a compliment. or not.
Good smart movies. Mind if I steal your list ideas for a post sometime?
Good smart movies. Mind if I steal your list ideas for a post sometime?
quinn: i love welles, indeed. have seen “third man” and “lady from shanghai,” which has the bonus of having rita hayworth well.
rebecca: i would have been proud to have written any of those movies. word.
quinn: i love welles, indeed. have seen “third man” and “lady from shanghai,” which has the bonus of having rita hayworth well.
rebecca: i would have been proud to have written any of those movies. word.
m.e. ellis: methinks they mean “treasure chest,” but never put anything past hollywood.
michelle: how could i forget? we’re america — fuck yeah!
jordan: feel free to steal anytime.
m.e. ellis: methinks they mean “treasure chest,” but never put anything past hollywood.
michelle: how could i forget? we’re america — fuck yeah!
jordan: feel free to steal anytime.
Office Space deserves to be on the first list. I mean, honestly.
Office Space deserves to be on the first list. I mean, honestly.
Office Space deserves to be on the first list. I mean, honestly.