If I were smarter, I would draw a link between the world and the world of cup, or I should say the World Cup, that quadrennial tournament of soccer madness now taking place in Germany.
The United States squad made a splendid exit today, losing a match it certainly could have won. Americans, feel free to now ignore the rest of the World Cup.
Instead of commenting on our nation’s soccer ignorance and why it is bad for Cooperation Between Nations, I could write about the precision of the German side, the stylish domination of Brazil, France’s tendencies to choke, or the surprising coherence so far of Spain or Argentina. But since I haven’t been a sportswriter for in 20 years, I’ll let those pass.
And I will also let pass the temptation to write about the poetics of soccer, of its intellectual and philosophical dimensions. Somewhere, there’s an egghead with a one-word name doing a much better job in a foreign language bloviating on aesthetics and soccer, writing about “the beautiful game” as if it were hanging on the wall of the Louvre.
Randy returns to Bookfraud!
Do you know what I’m talking about? I’m not really sure myself—I haven’t read such treatises about soccer. However, I have read many books about America’s national pastime (or at least, I’ve read the reviews). These are the books that have titles like “Why Baseball Is Life,” “The Art of the Sacrifice Bunt,” or “Perfection Is a Nolan Ryan Fastball.”
These are, in a word, stupid books. This is not to say I don’t enjoy baseball, for on several occasions, I have contemplated impaling myself on a spear after the Cubs found yet brand-new way to lose in the playoffs.
But these books are a different matter. The people being written about—baseball players—would never be caught dead reading them. In fact, given the choice between spending $20 for a George Will book on baseball or another lap dance at Club Cheetah, you know two sawbucks are going to end up in a g-string of a lady named “Porsche.”
It’s interesting how little by comparison is written about, say, Football as Metaphor or Basketball as Life. That’s because baseball is a game that overeducated, uncoordinated weenies (yeah, me too) love to write about because the game holds the illusion that just about anybody can play it.
Meet your favorite athlete here
Sure, most baseball players are taller than your standard American male, and thanks to advances in pharmaceutical science, have more beef on them than cattle on the Steroid Ranch. But sportswriters and intellectuals (not one and the same, trust me) still harbor the fantasy of being able to stand in against Randy Johnson and knock one over the fence. It’s the same dream they’ve had since they were kids.
Instead of actually playing, these university professors and public thinkers write books about the “glory of the game.” The interesting thing about all of these books is that they’re written almost exclusively by white men for white men.
Even though I’m a white man, I’m not really taken with kind of thing, because it elevates sports to something that it’s not, which is something one should spend time contemplating. Of all the philosophers in the world, sports philosophers are the least deserving of our attention.
For instance, I played soccer in high school. The coach put me in goal the first day of freshman practice. But being of average height, slow reflex, and lousy vision, my goalkeeping skills were less advanced than my skills with teenage girls, and my only real athletic talent (I was fast, and could stop on a dime) went to waste.
Now, I could go into some serious soul searching, contemplating what all this meant to my long-term mental health, but why? It was just a stupid game, and though it pains me still to remember any goal I surrendered (and believe me, I remember them all), there was little about the experience that taught Life Lessons or any crap like that. Sure, I had to “learn” about teamwork and disclipline, the things sports “teaches” us. But I had teammates who were selfish and arrogant, who weren’t less selfish and arrogant when the season ended. They got the red card for life.
If I were to attach any philosophical element to baseball or soccer, it would be no different than for any other sport. Since we no longer attach glory to the battlefield or the hunt, men play sports to establish their genetic bona fides, prove their mettle on the battlefield, and grab babes. Pretty much comes down to that. Baseball, soccer, hockey, football, it doesn’t matter. (Women’s motivation for playing sports, well, that’s for another blog).
I’m so bored with the U.S.A.
This evolutionary psychology point of view de-romanticizes sports to the point where nobody should be writing books about the beauty of the free kick or the perfection of nine innings. These kind of non-fiction books celebrate men who are particularly successful on the athletic battlefield and gain reproductive advantages on the battlefield of life, and generally, are dudes with whom you would have a fairly hard time carrying on a conversation.
Ah, male displays to proclaim reproductive fitness—nothing like a little sports to ease the mind.
Yet I’ve found some of the most vivid, visual writing in the sports pages of newspapers.
Of course they are talking about the action, not some abstract interpretation…
BF, this post strikes me as one emanating from someone who hasn’t participated in many sports, i could be wrong…but as a former jock i’d have to say you’re correct. sports just provides another avenue to prove you’re a badass. As for women in sport…
bernita: good sportswriting is abounds, i’ll agree. but not much in the way of good sports philosophizing.
same: in regards to striking you as “emanating from someone who hasn’t participated in many sports,” you are indeed wrong. played soccer, wrestled, ran track in high schol. played organized baseball and football throughout childhood. lots of pickup hoops. lots o’ sports. and have the ruined knees to prove it.
of course, your comment made me want to prove my athletic endeavors…
Yet I’ve found some of the most vivid, visual writing in the sports pages of newspapers.
Of course they are talking about the action, not some abstract interpretation…
Yet I’ve found some of the most vivid, visual writing in the sports pages of newspapers.
Of course they are talking about the action, not some abstract interpretation…
BF, this post strikes me as one emanating from someone who hasn’t participated in many sports, i could be wrong…but as a former jock i’d have to say you’re correct. sports just provides another avenue to prove you’re a badass. As for women in sport…
BF, this post strikes me as one emanating from someone who hasn’t participated in many sports, i could be wrong…but as a former jock i’d have to say you’re correct. sports just provides another avenue to prove you’re a badass. As for women in sport…
bernita: good sportswriting is abounds, i’ll agree. but not much in the way of good sports philosophizing.
same: in regards to striking you as “emanating from someone who hasn’t participated in many sports,” you are indeed wrong. played soccer, wrestled, ran track in high schol. played organized baseball and football throughout childhood. lots of pickup hoops. lots o’ sports. and have the ruined knees to prove it.
of course, your comment made me want to prove my athletic endeavors…
bernita: good sportswriting is abounds, i’ll agree. but not much in the way of good sports philosophizing.
same: in regards to striking you as “emanating from someone who hasn’t participated in many sports,” you are indeed wrong. played soccer, wrestled, ran track in high schol. played organized baseball and football throughout childhood. lots of pickup hoops. lots o’ sports. and have the ruined knees to prove it.
of course, your comment made me want to prove my athletic endeavors…
Well, sports is one area in which I totally rely on the “I’m a girl” excuse to get out of having to care about them. Actually, the two sports I do like watching seem on opposite ends of the spectrum, but satisfy deep primal needs all the same.
Rugby and Golf.
Rugby, because there’s no sissy padding, and golf, because I like watching the strategy of getting that stupid little ball in the hole.
Well, sports is one area in which I totally rely on the “I’m a girl” excuse to get out of having to care about them. Actually, the two sports I do like watching seem on opposite ends of the spectrum, but satisfy deep primal needs all the same.
Rugby and Golf.
Rugby, because there’s no sissy padding, and golf, because I like watching the strategy of getting that stupid little ball in the hole.
Well, sports is one area in which I totally rely on the “I’m a girl” excuse to get out of having to care about them. Actually, the two sports I do like watching seem on opposite ends of the spectrum, but satisfy deep primal needs all the same.
Rugby and Golf.
Rugby, because there’s no sissy padding, and golf, because I like watching the strategy of getting that stupid little ball in the hole.
You won’t meet any celebs or anyone else at The Gold Club. It was torn down a few years ago and is now a vacant lot. The owner is in jail for money laundrying, racketeering, etc.
Loving the World Cup! C’mon England!!!!
Although I agree that some non-fiction baseball writing is nothing more than thinly disguised hero worship, nostalgia, and intellectually weak, – and yes, I doubt a majority of baseball players would ever read them – there are a few that are insightful, honest, and perhaps transcendent. Roger Kahn’s “The Boys of Summer” for instance, and David Halberstam’s “Summer of 49,” although ostensibley about baseball are also about the state of early post-war America. On the fiction side there are books like “Shoeless Joe” and “Bang the Drum Slowly.”
Of course, it is a one-way love. A lot of baseball players are arrogant, selfish, and dumb. A lot nowadays are pumped on ‘roids or HGH and, sadly, if they do read, it’s not books about baseball written by guys who they probably tortured in high school.
The collapses in the play-offs are tough, but to be already thinking about next year before the all-star break is, well, a special kind of misery.
You won’t meet any celebs or anyone else at The Gold Club. It was torn down a few years ago and is now a vacant lot. The owner is in jail for money laundrying, racketeering, etc.
Loving the World Cup! C’mon England!!!!
You won’t meet any celebs or anyone else at The Gold Club. It was torn down a few years ago and is now a vacant lot. The owner is in jail for money laundrying, racketeering, etc.
Loving the World Cup! C’mon England!!!!
I Love the World Cup! Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi!!
Although I agree that some non-fiction baseball writing is nothing more than thinly disguised hero worship, nostalgia, and intellectually weak, – and yes, I doubt a majority of baseball players would ever read them – there are a few that are insightful, honest, and perhaps transcendent. Roger Kahn’s “The Boys of Summer” for instance, and David Halberstam’s “Summer of 49,” although ostensibley about baseball are also about the state of early post-war America. On the fiction side there are books like “Shoeless Joe” and “Bang the Drum Slowly.”
Of course, it is a one-way love. A lot of baseball players are arrogant, selfish, and dumb. A lot nowadays are pumped on ‘roids or HGH and, sadly, if they do read, it’s not books about baseball written by guys who they probably tortured in high school.
The collapses in the play-offs are tough, but to be already thinking about next year before the all-star break is, well, a special kind of misery.
Although I agree that some non-fiction baseball writing is nothing more than thinly disguised hero worship, nostalgia, and intellectually weak, – and yes, I doubt a majority of baseball players would ever read them – there are a few that are insightful, honest, and perhaps transcendent. Roger Kahn’s “The Boys of Summer” for instance, and David Halberstam’s “Summer of 49,” although ostensibley about baseball are also about the state of early post-war America. On the fiction side there are books like “Shoeless Joe” and “Bang the Drum Slowly.”
Of course, it is a one-way love. A lot of baseball players are arrogant, selfish, and dumb. A lot nowadays are pumped on ‘roids or HGH and, sadly, if they do read, it’s not books about baseball written by guys who they probably tortured in high school.
The collapses in the play-offs are tough, but to be already thinking about next year before the all-star break is, well, a special kind of misery.
I Love the World Cup! Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi!!
I Love the World Cup! Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi!!
I stand corrected. Hi ho to our fucked up knees.
rugby is an awesome game. you should go visit michelle in australia.
collin: no more gold club? damn, what am i going to do in atlanta for fun?
england got some breaks today, eh?
quinn: it’s not the baseball as history that i hate, it’s the baseball as philosophy. “the perfection of the game” and all that.
continuous talk about next year is the price of being a cubs fan.
michelle: good luck for the socceroos against the azzuri. they’ll need it…
same: i knew we had something in common.
I stand corrected. Hi ho to our fucked up knees.
I stand corrected. Hi ho to our fucked up knees.
rugby is an awesome game. you should go visit michelle in australia.
collin: no more gold club? damn, what am i going to do in atlanta for fun?
england got some breaks today, eh?
rugby is an awesome game. you should go visit michelle in australia.
collin: no more gold club? damn, what am i going to do in atlanta for fun?
england got some breaks today, eh?
quinn: it’s not the baseball as history that i hate, it’s the baseball as philosophy. “the perfection of the game” and all that.
continuous talk about next year is the price of being a cubs fan.
michelle: good luck for the socceroos against the azzuri. they’ll need it…
same: i knew we had something in common.
quinn: it’s not the baseball as history that i hate, it’s the baseball as philosophy. “the perfection of the game” and all that.
continuous talk about next year is the price of being a cubs fan.
michelle: good luck for the socceroos against the azzuri. they’ll need it…
same: i knew we had something in common.
Gotcha.
Baseball as philosophy is a long, thin stretch of hot air.
Baseball as mythology, or perhaps allegory, well, I’d swing at that pitch every time.
Have you ever read W.P. Kinsella’s short story “The Last Pennant before Armageddon”? It’s basically about how the end of the world will come about when the Cubs win it all.
England didn’t get a break! They got a lucky shot from David “Bend It Like” Beckham. I love England, but the team is not playing that well.
The Cheetah is still open in Atlanta for your T&A pleasures, BF.
Gotcha.
Baseball as philosophy is a long, thin stretch of hot air.
Baseball as mythology, or perhaps allegory, well, I’d swing at that pitch every time.
Have you ever read W.P. Kinsella’s short story “The Last Pennant before Armageddon”? It’s basically about how the end of the world will come about when the Cubs win it all.
Gotcha.
Baseball as philosophy is a long, thin stretch of hot air.
Baseball as mythology, or perhaps allegory, well, I’d swing at that pitch every time.
Have you ever read W.P. Kinsella’s short story “The Last Pennant before Armageddon”? It’s basically about how the end of the world will come about when the Cubs win it all.
England didn’t get a break! They got a lucky shot from David “Bend It Like” Beckham. I love England, but the team is not playing that well.
The Cheetah is still open in Atlanta for your T&A pleasures, BF.
England didn’t get a break! They got a lucky shot from David “Bend It Like” Beckham. I love England, but the team is not playing that well.
The Cheetah is still open in Atlanta for your T&A pleasures, BF.
Hi great article about the worldcup. I can’t wait the Socceroos to kickass. Go the best team in the world, Australia(or Japan second choice) You can watch the Australian Socceroos match streamed live online for free, here: