A long time ago, in a blog entry far, far away, I fell prey to what was a blogging trend at the time, and posted a column featuring lists. Besides being easy and rather humorous to write, it allowed me to give some information about myself without revealing my top-secret identity.
One of the lists was “Top 5 Famous Works of Fiction that I Hate or Can’t Finish.” Number 3 on the hit list: Toni Morrison’s “Beloved.”
Close followers of the literary zeitgeist will realize that not only did Beloved make my list, but was named the “best” American novel of the past quarter-century in a New York Times Book Review poll.
The problem is that I can’t finish “Beloved,” much less say I love it, for reasons that go well beyond my abilities of expression (“I thought it sucked,” “the language was all emoting,” “I thought it sucked.”). Literature that is all emotion and no brain (or conversely) grates on my nerves, and while Beloved is certainly a brainy book, in a way, it often reads more like a Harlequin Romance parody than, say, William Gass or Thomas Pynchon.
One can couch it in terms such as effective use of anaphora and synecdoche, but to put it in blunter terms, “Beloved” made my brain hurt. I read it until I couldn’t stand it.
I don’t get it
But apparently “Beloved” has touched a great many writers and readers, so I am left to wonder just what I’m missing. Where I went to grad school, criticizing Toni Morrison was a foolish idea, like dissing your brand new, 6-6, 300 pound, sex-deprived cellmate at Attica—do it at your own risk. Everybody at school just loved the book, and, in the one smart thing I did as MFA student, I shut my mouth while the copious praise of Ms. Morrison’s masterwork floated around my ears in class like clouds of silver.
I’ve only read one other Morrison novel, “The Bluest Eye,” her first book, and rather liked it, so I can’t chalk up my disdain for “Beloved” to a general animus I hold against the author, and I don’t fancy myself as a racist, despite one grad school professor’s characterization of all white folk (and she was a honkie, just like me).
The panel of “experts” for choosing the best book of the last quarter-century was a who’s who of American letters young and old, and who the hell am I, an unpublished novelist with a bitter streak, to question their wisdom? Perhaps it is the best work of fiction this great nation of ours has had to offer since 1981 and since I haven’t read “Mating,” “Winter’s Tale,” “Blood Meridian,” “Housekeeping,” or (gasp) any of the Rabbit Angstrom books, I probably am not really qualified to pass judgment.
My remaining 20 digits are not enough to count the “classic” works of literature that I didn’t “get,” enjoy, or quit in frustration. Most of these misbegotten ventures were forced down my throat in high school, college, and beyond. In part, my disdain of any book is correlated to my disdain of the person assigning it; a yukky high school teacher assigned “Ethan Frome” and I didn’t get over my Edith Wharton trauma until I read “The House of Mirth” years later.
I could tell you how “Middlemarch” made me doze, “Mrs. Dalloway” left me cold, and how Milton made my eyes bleed. I could tell you how I never got Dylan Thomas, how Ben Jonson made me cry with boredom, and “Moby-Dick” just made me cry.
At least these were school assignments. I know we’ve all be victims of a literary proselytizer, those folks who wave a book in your face and tell you that if you don’t read this—and love it more than anything ever written—you will be consigned to the lowest level of the literary afterlife. I’m one of those annoying characters, as are all passionate readers, and so when I don’t like a book that a friend pushes on me, I just blame the friend, not the book.
Me write now
But when you have institutional imprimatur for a book from other writers, a la “Beloved,” when you’re not a fan, it seems particularly grating. Everybody loves something, you don’t, and what the hell am I missing? Am I stupid, ignorant, or just a pro-wrestling lovin’, beer-swillin’, troglodyte?
Don’t answer that.
I am man enough to admit that I have no idea what this means.
“use of anaphora and synecdoche”
I think I remember your comment on a similar blog post of mine. On a blog far-away, blah blah blah.
This gives me a chance to reiterate my bugged-out eye-roll at “Beloved” as the top choice. I was assigned the novel as part of the most presumptious and cheesy course I’ve ever been on, Black Man/White Woman, at a university in England. I couldn’t fall asleep reading this novel because I was so livid.
It’s good that bloggers and the like have dismissed the entire NYTBR survey, but I wish more people would have what-the-fucked? the top selections. Sure, sure: opinions are like buttcracks, but going on the merits of the writing alone, I think the list would have looked a lot different.
I am right there with you.
Normally, in a room, someone can say “Oh, I love that book.” And then others begin to speak up “Yes, yes, I love that book as well!”
Well, let me say something here: when people said they loved The Da Vinci Code, my normal follow up question is “What else have you read?” Their blank expression tells me that that’s the only book they read last year.
This is normally the case with Oprah’s book club, of which Beloved was on the list.
I don’t get it either. And I hate it. But that’s my theory.
Now, if everyone on the list had read every single book written in the last 25 years then maybe that NYTBR list would have carried some kind of validity. People read with no real agenda and, of course, there’s no accounting for taste. http://mapletree7.blogspot.com/2006/06/altlist-winners.html“>Book of the day has an interesting post about an Alternative list to the NYTBR, but it’s just that: interesting. in fact, half of the list that Book of the day came up with is Pulitzer winners. And awards like that are dodgy at best. I mean, except for Confederacy of Dunces in 1981, all Pulitzer winners have come from large publishers, and I simply can’t believe that large publishers know a good book from a bad one. To quote a Penguin rep “we’re just throwing stuff at the wall to see if it’ll stick” – of course he was talking about Da Vinci Code knock-offs, but there you go.
let me try that link again.
Book of the Week
I am man enough to admit that I have no idea what this means.
“use of anaphora and synecdoche”
I am man enough to admit that I have no idea what this means.
“use of anaphora and synecdoche”
That’s exactly how I felt upon finishing WUTHERING HEIGHTS. I closed the book, blinked, and thought “What the hell is wrong with me?”
My god, Bookfraud, you are practically a philistine.
I am avowed Toni Morrison fan, but even I took pause at “Beloved” being named the best book in the NY Times list. I would have probably handed that honor to another on the list Don Delillo’s “Underworld,” which is a masterpiece. If forced to choose a Morrison title(s) I prefer to “Beloved,” both “The Song of Solomon” and “Paradise” would have rated higher. I would have also liked to see John Irving’s “A Widow For One Year” on that list. It’s probably the second best thing he’s written.
Just for the record, I’ve never read any of the “Rabbit” books either. Maybe one day.
phoenix: nor did I have any idea of “anaphora and synecdoche” until i read a review on slate, which i linked to, sadly, after you read the blog entry.
benny: i can’t say “beloved” made me livid, but like the rest of us, you have a buttcrack, and are entitled to your feelings.
adam: “beloved” on oprah’s book klub led to an interesting exchange between the big o and toni morrison: oprah said she couldn’t understand what was always happening; morrison said, “that’s good writing.” uh-huh. feh.
“like the rest of us, you have a buttcrack, and are entitled to your feelings.”
fuggin awsum.
quinn: good point. it’s really quite arbritrary in the end. thanks for the link. and the corrected link.
jordan: you didn’t like “wuthering heights”? ach, i can never speak to you again! not that we’ve ever spoken.
i think we’ve all had that moment re: “classics.”
collin: good comments — but if “a widow for one year” is the second-best irving book, what’s number one? garp? hotel n.h.?
br.: see benny’s comments above re: buttcracks.
you wanker.
I don’t think I’ve ever read one of Toni Morrison’s books, but I remember all the hoopla O made about it, and that’s pretty much guaranteed to piss me off.
I read “She’s come Undone” by Wally Lamb and loved it, and when Oprah co-opted that for her book club, I was PISSED.
And, the book I most hated having to read-”Catcher in the Rye”. It gave me headaches, I just wanted to beat every character in that book with a pointy stick.
I think I remember your comment on a similar blog post of mine. On a blog far-away, blah blah blah.
This gives me a chance to reiterate my bugged-out eye-roll at “Beloved” as the top choice. I was assigned the novel as part of the most presumptious and cheesy course I’ve ever been on, Black Man/White Woman, at a university in England. I couldn’t fall asleep reading this novel because I was so livid.
It’s good that bloggers and the like have dismissed the entire NYTBR survey, but I wish more people would have what-the-fucked? the top selections. Sure, sure: opinions are like buttcracks, but going on the merits of the writing alone, I think the list would have looked a lot different.
I think I remember your comment on a similar blog post of mine. On a blog far-away, blah blah blah.
This gives me a chance to reiterate my bugged-out eye-roll at “Beloved” as the top choice. I was assigned the novel as part of the most presumptious and cheesy course I’ve ever been on, Black Man/White Woman, at a university in England. I couldn’t fall asleep reading this novel because I was so livid.
It’s good that bloggers and the like have dismissed the entire NYTBR survey, but I wish more people would have what-the-fucked? the top selections. Sure, sure: opinions are like buttcracks, but going on the merits of the writing alone, I think the list would have looked a lot different.
I am right there with you.
Normally, in a room, someone can say “Oh, I love that book.” And then others begin to speak up “Yes, yes, I love that book as well!”
Well, let me say something here: when people said they loved The Da Vinci Code, my normal follow up question is “What else have you read?” Their blank expression tells me that that’s the only book they read last year.
This is normally the case with Oprah’s book club, of which Beloved was on the list.
I don’t get it either. And I hate it. But that’s my theory.
I am right there with you.
Normally, in a room, someone can say “Oh, I love that book.” And then others begin to speak up “Yes, yes, I love that book as well!”
Well, let me say something here: when people said they loved The Da Vinci Code, my normal follow up question is “What else have you read?” Their blank expression tells me that that’s the only book they read last year.
This is normally the case with Oprah’s book club, of which Beloved was on the list.
I don’t get it either. And I hate it. But that’s my theory.
Now, if everyone on the list had read every single book written in the last 25 years then maybe that NYTBR list would have carried some kind of validity. People read with no real agenda and, of course, there’s no accounting for taste. http://mapletree7.blogspot.com/2006/06/altlist-winners.html“>Book of the day has an interesting post about an Alternative list to the NYTBR, but it’s just that: interesting. in fact, half of the list that Book of the day came up with is Pulitzer winners. And awards like that are dodgy at best. I mean, except for Confederacy of Dunces in 1981, all Pulitzer winners have come from large publishers, and I simply can’t believe that large publishers know a good book from a bad one. To quote a Penguin rep “we’re just throwing stuff at the wall to see if it’ll stick” – of course he was talking about Da Vinci Code knock-offs, but there you go.
Now, if everyone on the list had read every single book written in the last 25 years then maybe that NYTBR list would have carried some kind of validity. People read with no real agenda and, of course, there’s no accounting for taste. http://mapletree7.blogspot.com/2006/06/altlist-winners.html“>Book of the day has an interesting post about an Alternative list to the NYTBR, but it’s just that: interesting. in fact, half of the list that Book of the day came up with is Pulitzer winners. And awards like that are dodgy at best. I mean, except for Confederacy of Dunces in 1981, all Pulitzer winners have come from large publishers, and I simply can’t believe that large publishers know a good book from a bad one. To quote a Penguin rep “we’re just throwing stuff at the wall to see if it’ll stick” – of course he was talking about Da Vinci Code knock-offs, but there you go.
let me try that link again.
Book of the Week
let me try that link again.
Book of the Week
That’s exactly how I felt upon finishing WUTHERING HEIGHTS. I closed the book, blinked, and thought “What the hell is wrong with me?”
That’s exactly how I felt upon finishing WUTHERING HEIGHTS. I closed the book, blinked, and thought “What the hell is wrong with me?”
My god, Bookfraud, you are practically a philistine.
I am avowed Toni Morrison fan, but even I took pause at “Beloved” being named the best book in the NY Times list. I would have probably handed that honor to another on the list Don Delillo’s “Underworld,” which is a masterpiece. If forced to choose a Morrison title(s) I prefer to “Beloved,” both “The Song of Solomon” and “Paradise” would have rated higher. I would have also liked to see John Irving’s “A Widow For One Year” on that list. It’s probably the second best thing he’s written.
Just for the record, I’ve never read any of the “Rabbit” books either. Maybe one day.
My god, Bookfraud, you are practically a philistine.
I am avowed Toni Morrison fan, but even I took pause at “Beloved” being named the best book in the NY Times list. I would have probably handed that honor to another on the list Don Delillo’s “Underworld,” which is a masterpiece. If forced to choose a Morrison title(s) I prefer to “Beloved,” both “The Song of Solomon” and “Paradise” would have rated higher. I would have also liked to see John Irving’s “A Widow For One Year” on that list. It’s probably the second best thing he’s written.
Just for the record, I’ve never read any of the “Rabbit” books either. Maybe one day.
phoenix: nor did I have any idea of “anaphora and synecdoche” until i read a review on slate, which i linked to, sadly, after you read the blog entry.
benny: i can’t say “beloved” made me livid, but like the rest of us, you have a buttcrack, and are entitled to your feelings.
adam: “beloved” on oprah’s book klub led to an interesting exchange between the big o and toni morrison: oprah said she couldn’t understand what was always happening; morrison said, “that’s good writing.” uh-huh. feh.
phoenix: nor did I have any idea of “anaphora and synecdoche” until i read a review on slate, which i linked to, sadly, after you read the blog entry.
benny: i can’t say “beloved” made me livid, but like the rest of us, you have a buttcrack, and are entitled to your feelings.
adam: “beloved” on oprah’s book klub led to an interesting exchange between the big o and toni morrison: oprah said she couldn’t understand what was always happening; morrison said, “that’s good writing.” uh-huh. feh.
“like the rest of us, you have a buttcrack, and are entitled to your feelings.”
fuggin awsum.
“like the rest of us, you have a buttcrack, and are entitled to your feelings.”
fuggin awsum.
quinn: good point. it’s really quite arbritrary in the end. thanks for the link. and the corrected link.
jordan: you didn’t like “wuthering heights”? ach, i can never speak to you again! not that we’ve ever spoken.
i think we’ve all had that moment re: “classics.”
collin: good comments — but if “a widow for one year” is the second-best irving book, what’s number one? garp? hotel n.h.?
br.: see benny’s comments above re: buttcracks.
you wanker.
quinn: good point. it’s really quite arbritrary in the end. thanks for the link. and the corrected link.
jordan: you didn’t like “wuthering heights”? ach, i can never speak to you again! not that we’ve ever spoken.
i think we’ve all had that moment re: “classics.”
collin: good comments — but if “a widow for one year” is the second-best irving book, what’s number one? garp? hotel n.h.?
br.: see benny’s comments above re: buttcracks.
you wanker.
I don’t think I’ve ever read one of Toni Morrison’s books, but I remember all the hoopla O made about it, and that’s pretty much guaranteed to piss me off.
I read “She’s come Undone” by Wally Lamb and loved it, and when Oprah co-opted that for her book club, I was PISSED.
And, the book I most hated having to read-”Catcher in the Rye”. It gave me headaches, I just wanted to beat every character in that book with a pointy stick.
I don’t think I’ve ever read one of Toni Morrison’s books, but I remember all the hoopla O made about it, and that’s pretty much guaranteed to piss me off.
I read “She’s come Undone” by Wally Lamb and loved it, and when Oprah co-opted that for her book club, I was PISSED.
And, the book I most hated having to read-”Catcher in the Rye”. It gave me headaches, I just wanted to beat every character in that book with a pointy stick.
MadameB, i wanted to borrow your pointy stick to beat the characters of Gone with the Wind! WTF?? What a crock that was.
Never read one of Morrisons novels, and don’t intend to either.
Fab post BF
)
MadameB, i wanted to borrow your pointy stick to beat the characters of Gone with the Wind! WTF?? What a crock that was.
Never read one of Morrisons novels, and don’t intend to either.
Fab post BF
)
MadameB, i wanted to borrow your pointy stick to beat the characters of Gone with the Wind! WTF?? What a crock that was.
Never read one of Morrisons novels, and don’t intend to either.
Fab post BF
)
Seems I’m the only one here who loved the classics as a kid. Started readin too early i guess. Now i hate the shit.
I’d say you’re not stupid, ignorant, etc. – just more honest than most.
Seems I’m the only one here who loved the classics as a kid. Started readin too early i guess. Now i hate the shit.
Seems I’m the only one here who loved the classics as a kid. Started readin too early i guess. Now i hate the shit.
I’d say you’re not stupid, ignorant, etc. – just more honest than most.
I’d say you’re not stupid, ignorant, etc. – just more honest than most.
Ooh, I read half of Blood Meridian! It’s been sitting untouched in my backseat for seven months now.
I’ve never read Toni Morrison, and I don’t lose sleep over it. In fact, my reading habits skew towards the bestseller lists, and I feel no shame about it.
madame d.: now that’s funny. i hate it, too, when oprah or someone else takes something i like and co-opts it for their own evil purposes. hate it hate it hate it.
and “catcher” hasn’t aged well, has it?
michelle: thanks for the props. “gone with the wind” is one of those novels you’re better off watching the movie than reading.
same: everybody likes at least some of the classics — i sure do. just not all of them, and wondering why “beloved” gets into the “classics” category.
bernita: thank you for the comment. that’s bookfraud: honest to a fault. har har.
steve: a half-read book sitting in the backseat of a car is like a half-eaten apple in the backseat of a car — moldy and nasty, just throw it out.
and a man wants what a man wants, eh?
Oh, no. I was l-i-v-i-d. And so was my crack. I’m sure.
I worship at the Church of Rabbit Angstrom, but a book that made me feel empty after reading it (recently) was Marilyn Robinson’s Gilead. I had to read it in shifts.
Now I’m going to run for cover before something big and heavy and electrical falls on my head.
To those who “never plan to read a book by Toni Morrison” – If you’ve never read a Toni Morrison book, you really can’t comment on it. Reading a book, even if you dislike it, at least gives your commentary credibility.
As for Irving, I would say Garp and Hotel N.H. are tied for his all time best work. I’ve been so disappointed with his last couple of books (Fourth Hand, Until I Find You). I’m hoping he has another Widow for One Year in him.
Apparently as a white male (I’m assuming), you cannot understand literature that doesn’t put you central to the story. Was it you who said that Nancy Drew is nothing but a sexed-up Hardy Boy?
benny: it’s good to know that literature can stir the emotions of our nation’s youth (youth compared to me).
did “gilead” make you feel empty in a good or bad way? and get some cover.
collin: agreed. at least i’ve read 1.5 toni morrison books.
as much as i love “garp,” “a prayer for owen meany” is my favorite, as it seems to be for a lot of folk…
neil: right you are. i only relate to novels with neurotic white male hebrew protagonists, which, fortunately, comprises about 50 percent of american literature.
i didn’t say nancy drew was a “sexed up” hardy boy, just someone confused about his sexual identity. that’s all.
Ooh, I read half of Blood Meridian! It’s been sitting untouched in my backseat for seven months now.
I’ve never read Toni Morrison, and I don’t lose sleep over it. In fact, my reading habits skew towards the bestseller lists, and I feel no shame about it.