When is it time to give up your dreams? And what’s the most unintentionally disheartening thing I’ve ever heard a writer say?
To answer both: a few years ago at a writing conference, a group of us met with a literary agent. After we had asked some basic questions on the book business, a woman in her early 60s (and there seemed to be quite a few older ladies at this conference) raised her hand and spoke. She was confident about getting representation, and wanted to make sure she would get the perfect agent for her book.
And so she asked, in words that have haunted me since, “When I send the agent a query letter, should I mention that in addition to my current novel, that I’ve got three other unpublished novels in my drawer?”
Some things are easier to give up than others
The agent looked positively horrified, like he had to tell someone their pet dog was dead. Or worse, that his boss had told him he had to represent genre fiction. “Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” the agent said. “Next question?”
I don’t know what was saddest: that this woman was on her fourth unpublished novel, or her belief that having three spare books would be an asset, or that she didn’t realize how pathetic it all sounded. If I was working on my fourth unpublished novel instead of just my third, I’d at least know not to make it public.
Four-Novel Lady was not the only conference attendee in this predicament. During a student reading, a woman shared with us a story that had won some sort of award, a story about a family whose name she kept calling “the Lesbos.” After the reading, Lesbos tried to push through a crowd surrounding a visiting hotshot editor, but never made it. Lesbos was holding a copy of her story collection, spiral bound and presentation-ready. She was positively crestfallen.
Being that I don’t want to end up like these people — who may be perfectly content folk, thrilled with the mere act of writing — I sometimes wonder if it’s time to hang up my spurs, lest I become a woman in her 60s with four novels rotting in a trunk.
That such thoughts are perfectly correlated to when I receive a rejection letter, which puts me in a mood to do something I might regret, like going postal on the “New Arrivals” section at Barnes & Noble, well, that’s just a coincidence.
Alright, you’ve got me. If you’re thinking, “Hey, this whining, bitching loser probably just got another rejection letter,” you are correct. You are more observant than a recent convert to a fundamentalist religion.
In a recent missive from The Land of No, an editor said that he “enjoyed this novel. I loved this part, loved that part, blah blah blah…but the plot doesn’t hold together for me in the end.”
That was pretty much the same problem that editors have pointed out in these rejection letters. Stupidly, I followed the advice of my agent following the first few of these letters, and didn’t start reworking the novel immediately.
After the most recent notice, I got wise and told the agent that I was going to do a rewrite. He replied to complete said rewrite with great haste, for he had almost run out of places to send it. Oops.
I wish I knew how to quit you
It is times like this that makes one question the whole damn undertaking. Sure, I have an agent, and positive rejection letters from editors, and I know that makes me lucky, and that other people would surely trade places with me and blah blah blah and I really don’t care and just be quiet and pass me the Professional Strength Liquid-Plumr.
No one can make you give it up — give up writing, that is. A baseball player knows he’s come to the end of the line when no team, be it the most hapless outfit in the majors or its single-A affiliate in Uzbekistan, will allow him on the field.
Scribbling words on a page constitutes a different matter. The beauty of it is that any fool can pick up a pen and write. You can start young, middle-aged, or old. You can write plays and short stories and novels and screenplays and poetry. Nobody can stop you, though after a few years of rejections, you start to wish somebody would.
Of course, I’m not quitting, as writing fiction is the creative outlet that animates my days. Plus, once in a great while, I actually enjoy it. (So no letters begging me not to quit, as I know most of those reading this are tempted to do).
Also, if I gave up the fiction trade, I’d have one less thing to complain about, one less reason to skew editors and agents and literary journals and other writers and especially myself. One less excuse to be a crybaby.
And I can’t let that happen — after all, I don’t know what else I would blog about.
I’m about to wade back into sending my novel out again. Sometimes I feel like just self-pubbing the damn thing and getting it over with. I’ve even thought about setting up a blog or website and having it as a “web novel” with cool graphics and publish a new chapter every week like a serial. This novel has been through agents, publishers and editors for going on five years. I’ve had success with poetry, but getting this novel picked up continues to elude me.
That whole experience sounds heartbreaking. Oh man, just the image of this woman clutching a copy of her spiral bound book. Gah. It’s too bad pursuing writing pro-style is one of those things that can lead tro a complex if you aren’t careful. Sorry to hear about your rejection. Balls to anyone who gives you the “trade places” thing. Rejection is rejection no matter how far up or down the scale you are. Keep at it. My mantra is every no is one step closer to yes. I’ll keep my toes crossed for you (I need my fingers to type). In the meantime, I’m especially glad to hear that haven’t given up your outlet to skew editors etc., I would have had to bring out the ol’ frowny smiley. Or the crying one! Horror of horrors!
History is chock full of writers, dramatists, actors, military leaders, invesntors etc. who hit it at the starngest times and in the strangest of circumstancs.
We can only accept life on life’s terms, not our own.
We can take action, but we cannot control the reaction or outcome.
Just keep taking action.
Wow. Now I have to go kill myself. Thanks a lot. **wink**
What an insightful piece! No one likes being rejected. The “crestfallen” feeling is knee jerking in the negative sense. However I do believe that one should always look to the mountain top and not to give up on ones dreams and aspirations…
collin: i feel your pain. sounds awful, but keep the faith. the publishing merry-go-round is a destroyer of mental health, but you sound like you’ve got a clear view of the world.
courtney: your optimism is refreshing. and so is your empathy.
don’t worry, i’m not giving up the blog. if just so that i don’t have to see the smiley and frowny face.
phoenix: you sound like someone with great inner peace and clarity of thought. right you are — we can only control our actions, not outcomes. i can only keep taking action, and destroying small ceramics around the house.
jordan: plese don’t kill yourself. suicide is never the answer. however, i’ve found that homicide is an excellent alternative.
just kidding!
kathleen: thank you for the nice words. all this positive mental solitude (“pms”) is going to my head — i want to write something.
I’m about to wade back into sending my novel out again. Sometimes I feel like just self-pubbing the damn thing and getting it over with. I’ve even thought about setting up a blog or website and having it as a “web novel” with cool graphics and publish a new chapter every week like a serial. This novel has been through agents, publishers and editors for going on five years. I’ve had success with poetry, but getting this novel picked up continues to elude me.
I’m about to wade back into sending my novel out again. Sometimes I feel like just self-pubbing the damn thing and getting it over with. I’ve even thought about setting up a blog or website and having it as a “web novel” with cool graphics and publish a new chapter every week like a serial. This novel has been through agents, publishers and editors for going on five years. I’ve had success with poetry, but getting this novel picked up continues to elude me.
That whole experience sounds heartbreaking. Oh man, just the image of this woman clutching a copy of her spiral bound book. Gah. It’s too bad pursuing writing pro-style is one of those things that can lead tro a complex if you aren’t careful. Sorry to hear about your rejection. Balls to anyone who gives you the “trade places” thing. Rejection is rejection no matter how far up or down the scale you are. Keep at it. My mantra is every no is one step closer to yes. I’ll keep my toes crossed for you (I need my fingers to type). In the meantime, I’m especially glad to hear that haven’t given up your outlet to skew editors etc., I would have had to bring out the ol’ frowny smiley. Or the crying one! Horror of horrors!
That whole experience sounds heartbreaking. Oh man, just the image of this woman clutching a copy of her spiral bound book. Gah. It’s too bad pursuing writing pro-style is one of those things that can lead tro a complex if you aren’t careful. Sorry to hear about your rejection. Balls to anyone who gives you the “trade places” thing. Rejection is rejection no matter how far up or down the scale you are. Keep at it. My mantra is every no is one step closer to yes. I’ll keep my toes crossed for you (I need my fingers to type). In the meantime, I’m especially glad to hear that haven’t given up your outlet to skew editors etc., I would have had to bring out the ol’ frowny smiley. Or the crying one! Horror of horrors!
History is chock full of writers, dramatists, actors, military leaders, invesntors etc. who hit it at the starngest times and in the strangest of circumstancs.
We can only accept life on life’s terms, not our own.
We can take action, but we cannot control the reaction or outcome.
Just keep taking action.
History is chock full of writers, dramatists, actors, military leaders, invesntors etc. who hit it at the starngest times and in the strangest of circumstancs.
We can only accept life on life’s terms, not our own.
We can take action, but we cannot control the reaction or outcome.
Just keep taking action.
Would that we could all handle rejection so gracefully.
I choose to primal scream from the top of my roof about how they’re all out to get me.
While naked, of course.
Wow. Now I have to go kill myself. Thanks a lot. **wink**
Wow. Now I have to go kill myself. Thanks a lot. **wink**
What an insightful piece! No one likes being rejected. The “crestfallen” feeling is knee jerking in the negative sense. However I do believe that one should always look to the mountain top and not to give up on ones dreams and aspirations…
What an insightful piece! No one likes being rejected. The “crestfallen” feeling is knee jerking in the negative sense. However I do believe that one should always look to the mountain top and not to give up on ones dreams and aspirations…
collin: i feel your pain. sounds awful, but keep the faith. the publishing merry-go-round is a destroyer of mental health, but you sound like you’ve got a clear view of the world.
courtney: your optimism is refreshing. and so is your empathy.
don’t worry, i’m not giving up the blog. if just so that i don’t have to see the smiley and frowny face.
collin: i feel your pain. sounds awful, but keep the faith. the publishing merry-go-round is a destroyer of mental health, but you sound like you’ve got a clear view of the world.
courtney: your optimism is refreshing. and so is your empathy.
don’t worry, i’m not giving up the blog. if just so that i don’t have to see the smiley and frowny face.
phoenix: you sound like someone with great inner peace and clarity of thought. right you are — we can only control our actions, not outcomes. i can only keep taking action, and destroying small ceramics around the house.
jordan: plese don’t kill yourself. suicide is never the answer. however, i’ve found that homicide is an excellent alternative.
just kidding!
kathleen: thank you for the nice words. all this positive mental solitude (“pms”) is going to my head — i want to write something.
phoenix: you sound like someone with great inner peace and clarity of thought. right you are — we can only control our actions, not outcomes. i can only keep taking action, and destroying small ceramics around the house.
jordan: plese don’t kill yourself. suicide is never the answer. however, i’ve found that homicide is an excellent alternative.
just kidding!
kathleen: thank you for the nice words. all this positive mental solitude (“pms”) is going to my head — i want to write something.
See, you and Michele make me want to gut myself with a spork. I read your stuff and say, “Why aren’t you published yet?” and “Jesus, if they can’t do it, I don’t have a flipping shot.”
Would that we could all handle rejection so gracefully.
I choose to primal scream from the top of my roof about how they’re all out to get me.
While naked, of course.
Would that we could all handle rejection so gracefully.
I choose to primal scream from the top of my roof about how they’re all out to get me.
While naked, of course.
I can’t imagine going through that process. I was on pins and needles waiting to see if my book review would get published–a book itself? No way.
Still, we’ve learned something here, haven’t we? The writer knows best, not the agent. Go with your gut.
So BF, just out of curiousity, i know you’ll never give up writing…it’s who you are. However, if you were forced to or had to….what would you do “work wise”??
See, i only ever think of you as a writer, i can’t see you doing anything else, it’s like it “fits” you.
See, you and Michele make me want to gut myself with a spork. I read your stuff and say, “Why aren’t you published yet?” and “Jesus, if they can’t do it, I don’t have a flipping shot.”
See, you and Michele make me want to gut myself with a spork. I read your stuff and say, “Why aren’t you published yet?” and “Jesus, if they can’t do it, I don’t have a flipping shot.”
I can’t imagine going through that process. I was on pins and needles waiting to see if my book review would get published–a book itself? No way.
Still, we’ve learned something here, haven’t we? The writer knows best, not the agent. Go with your gut.
I can’t imagine going through that process. I was on pins and needles waiting to see if my book review would get published–a book itself? No way.
Still, we’ve learned something here, haven’t we? The writer knows best, not the agent. Go with your gut.
So BF, just out of curiousity, i know you’ll never give up writing…it’s who you are. However, if you were forced to or had to….what would you do “work wise”??
See, i only ever think of you as a writer, i can’t see you doing anything else, it’s like it “fits” you.
So BF, just out of curiousity, i know you’ll never give up writing…it’s who you are. However, if you were forced to or had to….what would you do “work wise”??
See, i only ever think of you as a writer, i can’t see you doing anything else, it’s like it “fits” you.
michele: the naked screaming atop the roof in winter always works for me. sure beats feeding my meth addiction.
brian f.: nah, don’t compare my experience to yours. you haven’t read my fiction, and if you were to do so, you might think it sucks ass. also, i’ve been talking about my novel, and publishing such a beast may not be your goal.
e.p.: after awhile, you become desensitized to the whole process. you get a rejection, you throw a tantrum, you calm down, and start from square one.
and yes, i wish i’d gone with my gut on this one.
michelle: i don’t know what i’d do if i were forced to quit writing. take up the classical piccolo. become a bodybuilder. check myself into an institution and never leave.
the last option does sound kind of appealing, i must say.
More pix of Josh Bell, pleez!
Yes, I think Sue has stood out as the voice of reason here: there are no problems or worries that cannot be fixed as long as there is an ample supply of Josh Bell visage.
michele: the naked screaming atop the roof in winter always works for me. sure beats feeding my meth addiction.
brian f.: nah, don’t compare my experience to yours. you haven’t read my fiction, and if you were to do so, you might think it sucks ass. also, i’ve been talking about my novel, and publishing such a beast may not be your goal.
michele: the naked screaming atop the roof in winter always works for me. sure beats feeding my meth addiction.
brian f.: nah, don’t compare my experience to yours. you haven’t read my fiction, and if you were to do so, you might think it sucks ass. also, i’ve been talking about my novel, and publishing such a beast may not be your goal.
e.p.: after awhile, you become desensitized to the whole process. you get a rejection, you throw a tantrum, you calm down, and start from square one.
and yes, i wish i’d gone with my gut on this one.
michelle: i don’t know what i’d do if i were forced to quit writing. take up the classical piccolo. become a bodybuilder. check myself into an institution and never leave.
the last option does sound kind of appealing, i must say.
e.p.: after awhile, you become desensitized to the whole process. you get a rejection, you throw a tantrum, you calm down, and start from square one.
and yes, i wish i’d gone with my gut on this one.
michelle: i don’t know what i’d do if i were forced to quit writing. take up the classical piccolo. become a bodybuilder. check myself into an institution and never leave.
the last option does sound kind of appealing, i must say.
sue: more pix of “jb”? did this blog entry even mention the man? are you trying to get under my skin? well, it worked.
brian f.: your response reminds me of a letter published in the new yorker, circa 1963. the letter writer was upset with rachel carson’s “silent spring,” saying it was no big deal if we killed some birds and that carson was anti-american.
but, the writer said, “as long as we have the h-bomb, things will be ok.” i remember reading this letter a decade ago, and it’s been my motto ever since.
More pix of Josh Bell, pleez!
More pix of Josh Bell, pleez!
Yes, I think Sue has stood out as the voice of reason here: there are no problems or worries that cannot be fixed as long as there is an ample supply of Josh Bell visage.
Yes, I think Sue has stood out as the voice of reason here: there are no problems or worries that cannot be fixed as long as there is an ample supply of Josh Bell visage.
Forget about getting published, I’d kill to have a literary agent!
sue: more pix of “jb”? did this blog entry even mention the man? are you trying to get under my skin? well, it worked.
brian f.: your response reminds me of a letter published in the new yorker, circa 1963. the letter writer was upset with rachel carson’s “silent spring,” saying it was no big deal if we killed some birds and that carson was anti-american.
but, the writer said, “as long as we have the h-bomb, things will be ok.” i remember reading this letter a decade ago, and it’s been my motto ever since.
sue: more pix of “jb”? did this blog entry even mention the man? are you trying to get under my skin? well, it worked.
brian f.: your response reminds me of a letter published in the new yorker, circa 1963. the letter writer was upset with rachel carson’s “silent spring,” saying it was no big deal if we killed some birds and that carson was anti-american.
but, the writer said, “as long as we have the h-bomb, things will be ok.” i remember reading this letter a decade ago, and it’s been my motto ever since.
Forget about getting published, I’d kill to have a literary agent!