Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again…I was Mrs. Danvers and seriously got down with Rebecca…it was soooooooo hot…
No,sorry,that was for a different blog.
Last night I dreamt that I was in the newspaper business and had a general interest column,and,desperate to arrive at a new topic to write about,fell prey to the lowest form of the columnist’s art:the bullet point.
Some of the bullets were interesting and fresh,some were stale and pointless,like this blog itself. Others seemed as if they were written by a totally different person…
Then I awoke with the following freshly typed on my computer screen. Some dreams can come true…
•Ever wonder why The Commodores’“Machine Gun”doesn’t have the sound of a real machine gun in it? I sure do.
•I am trying to write a magazine-length essay about a habit I’ve given up (the nature of which I won’t share,but it’s not substance abuse,gambling,sex,or writing),the type of essay that will be sold to magazines,lead to an inevitable book deal,and make me so much money that I can yell at everyone,“See ya,suckers!”
But the essay is going nowhere. It’s too serious. I can’t do serious! When I try to make the piece funny,it’s dumb. When I try to make it serious,it’s dull. As profound as a car wash.
Looks like a movie star
•Was it just me,or was Selma Hayek the only woman at the Oscars who really looked like a movie star? I mean,Sandra Bullock looked like she’d been run over in “Crash”! Or was that just me?
•I don’t know about you,but I really wish Jerry Springer would get back to what he does best! Marty Allen too.
•There was something beyond sour grapes with Annie Proulx’s takedown of the Oscars. Especially her back-handed praise for Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s work as Truman Capote.
[W]hich takes more skill,acting a person who strolled the boulevard a few decades ago and who left behind tapes,film,photographs,voice recordings and friends with strong memories,or the construction of characters from imagination and a few cold words on the page? I don’t know. The subject never comes up. Cheers to David Strathairn,Joaquin Phoenix and Hoffman,but what about actors who start in the dark?
I presume to mean her actor who “starts in the dark”is Heath Ledger,who had a brilliant turn as Mumblin’Ennis Del Mar,a character who he constructed from Proulx’s own cold words on her page.
Actually,Proulx is full of shit,and as a writer of fiction,knows better. It’s not just enough to sound or look like Truman Capote;Hoffman had to embody the emotional and intellectual depth of a character. Hoffman playing the character of “Truman Capote”was no more mimicry than Gregory Peck playing Atticus Finch.
Nor does one create fictional characters out of pure thought. When she created Ennis and Jack Twist,it wasn’t to her disadvantage that she had a blank slate;she drew from experience and imagination both. The imprint left behind by an actual person did not box her in,and she didn’t have to worry about comparisons between her characters and “the real”Ennis and Jack,for there are none.
•What is about Depends that makes everyone so uncomfortable?
•Movies I hated so much that the mere mention of them makes my skin crawl:“Magnolia,”“Swimming Pool,”“Wings of Desire,”“The Pillow Book.”Especially “The Pillow Book.”I HATED HATED HATED HATED HATED HATED that movie. In case you cared. I HATED “The Pillow Book.”HATED it.
•In the matter of the online test,“The What classic punk band are you Test,”survey says:
You are Black Flag |
This surprised me,being that I am a dye-in-the-wool Ramones fan,being that I saw the band numerous times (with Dee Dee! that’s how old I am!),and being that the day Joey Ramone died was the saddest celebrity death I’ve had to stomach,worse,even,than John Lennon.
Then again,with my rugged,movie-star good looks,cleft chin,hot bod,intense demeanor,everybody mistakes me for Henry Rollins,without his levity.
•I don’t know about you,but wouldn’t it be great if they’d bring back ABC’s Wide World of Sports. Where else could you watch barrel jumping (on ice!) and Figure-8 racing? Awesome television that our nation needs in this time of war.
Sport at its finest
•Don’t you hate it that you can’t get a six-pack anymore with those plastic thingies holding the cans together? They used to make great,cheap toys for the kids to play with.
•What’s on my nightstand:“The Gay Talese Reader,”“Collected Novellas”by Gabriel Garcia Marquez,a few unread New Yorkers,a short story collection,and “The Big Book of Sudoku #2.”Also,a lamp,clock radio,and six varieties of house dust.
•Actually,I don’t read books,but I don’t hold it against others who do.
•Don’t you hate it when you get put on hold,and the you hear a Muzak version of The Police’s classic,“De Do Do Do,De Da Da Da?”Give me the real thing,please?
•I was going to write a full blog singing the praises of Frederick Exley’s “A Fan’s Notes,”given that this was billed upon publication as a “fictional memoir,”as opposed to a certain recent author who pretended to be a real memoir,but who the fuck wants to read more on James “Can’t Stop the Lying”Frey?
•Why are all those French students rioting? They may not have a future,but they’ve got great wine and cheeze. Plus,the Effel Tower and berets! Not to mention all those gorgeous French women,at least those with good teeth. Ooo la la!
•You can make up rap lyrics,but you can’t make me say them.
•Without chemicals,life itself would be impossible. Also true for Swanson Hungry-Man Salisbury Steak Dinner.
•I’ve always wondered about what it would be like to write a blog with pointless bullets.
•Now I know.
nice…I am an insomniac today. The quiz was great. I am a Dead Kennedy. I’ll take it.
* I have never wondered that.
* That habit you gave up was writing sonnets,right?
* Salma Hayek is the anti-Christ. I’m pretty sure.
* No,wait. Jerry Springer is the anti-Christ.
* Interesting quandary:will producers be lining up to adapt Proulx’s work owing to the success of Brokeback or will her insane tirade make her “don’t mess with that bitch”poison?
* I am more uncomfortable around someone who needs Depends but eschews them.
* Haven’t seen “Pillow Book.”Have you seen “Nothing But Trouble.”Now THAT is pure pain,my friend.
* I would take the punk band test but my knowledge of said genre is such that the results would be meaningless to me.
* Wow. I just had a Trivial Pursuit 6 question about barrel jumping and Wide World of Sports. Weird.
* It’s been a while since I bought a six pack. What’s holding them together these days? Sheer determination?
* Lamp. Check. Clock radio. Check. Dust. Check. Are you sure it’s not MY nightstand you’re looking at?
* That’s very big of you.
* Sting loves you.
* James who?
* They’re rioting until Voix returns to their homeland.
* Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
* I’m going on the “Read the List Ingredients”diet. Tomorrow.
* Wonder no more.
* Glad to hear it.
You hated “Wings of Desire?”Oh,my…you are a heathen of the highest order. Let’s not speak of this. I shall become wrath.
I agree…Annie Prouxl is full of shit. While I’ve been a fan of some of her other writing,I found her childish tantrum to be…well…a childish tantrum.
mariemm3:sorry you are an insomniac. being a dk is a good thing. jello salutes you.
brian f.:your point by point analysis is well-reasoned,thoughtful,and entertaining. but salma hayek is not the anti-christ,nor is jerry springer. marty allen,though is. and he’s a jew.
i’m not giving up writing sonnets,however —too many hearts out there that i still have to break.
collin:sorry about “wings of desire.”i won’t get into an argument about it even if you’re wrong wrong wrong! (at least it’s not “the pillow book.”)
you are spot-on calling it a “tantrum.”if her movie had won more awards,she wouldn’t have written a thing.
I am a fan of Peter Greenaway’s films,esp. “Drowning by Numbers”and “The Cook,The Thief,His Wife and Her Lover,”but “The Pillow Book”didn’t really work for me either. So we can agree on that.
nice…I am an insomniac today. The quiz was great. I am a Dead Kennedy. I’ll take it.
nice…I am an insomniac today. The quiz was great. I am a Dead Kennedy. I’ll take it.
* I have never wondered that.
* That habit you gave up was writing sonnets,right?
* Salma Hayek is the anti-Christ. I’m pretty sure.
* No,wait. Jerry Springer is the anti-Christ.
* Interesting quandary:will producers be lining up to adapt Proulx’s work owing to the success of Brokeback or will her insane tirade make her “don’t mess with that bitch”poison?
* I am more uncomfortable around someone who needs Depends but eschews them.
* Haven’t seen “Pillow Book.”Have you seen “Nothing But Trouble.”Now THAT is pure pain,my friend.
* I would take the punk band test but my knowledge of said genre is such that the results would be meaningless to me.
* Wow. I just had a Trivial Pursuit 6 question about barrel jumping and Wide World of Sports. Weird.
* It’s been a while since I bought a six pack. What’s holding them together these days? Sheer determination?
* Lamp. Check. Clock radio. Check. Dust. Check. Are you sure it’s not MY nightstand you’re looking at?
* That’s very big of you.
* Sting loves you.
* James who?
* They’re rioting until Voix returns to their homeland.
* Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
* I’m going on the “Read the List Ingredients”diet. Tomorrow.
* Wonder no more.
* Glad to hear it.
* I have never wondered that.
* That habit you gave up was writing sonnets,right?
* Salma Hayek is the anti-Christ. I’m pretty sure.
* No,wait. Jerry Springer is the anti-Christ.
* Interesting quandary:will producers be lining up to adapt Proulx’s work owing to the success of Brokeback or will her insane tirade make her “don’t mess with that bitch”poison?
* I am more uncomfortable around someone who needs Depends but eschews them.
* Haven’t seen “Pillow Book.”Have you seen “Nothing But Trouble.”Now THAT is pure pain,my friend.
* I would take the punk band test but my knowledge of said genre is such that the results would be meaningless to me.
* Wow. I just had a Trivial Pursuit 6 question about barrel jumping and Wide World of Sports. Weird.
* It’s been a while since I bought a six pack. What’s holding them together these days? Sheer determination?
* Lamp. Check. Clock radio. Check. Dust. Check. Are you sure it’s not MY nightstand you’re looking at?
* That’s very big of you.
* Sting loves you.
* James who?
* They’re rioting until Voix returns to their homeland.
* Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
* I’m going on the “Read the List Ingredients”diet. Tomorrow.
* Wonder no more.
* Glad to hear it.
You hated “Wings of Desire?”Oh,my…you are a heathen of the highest order. Let’s not speak of this. I shall become wrath.
I agree…Annie Prouxl is full of shit. While I’ve been a fan of some of her other writing,I found her childish tantrum to be…well…a childish tantrum.
You hated “Wings of Desire?”Oh,my…you are a heathen of the highest order. Let’s not speak of this. I shall become wrath.
I agree…Annie Prouxl is full of shit. While I’ve been a fan of some of her other writing,I found her childish tantrum to be…well…a childish tantrum.
mariemm3:sorry you are an insomniac. being a dk is a good thing. jello salutes you.
brian f.:your point by point analysis is well-reasoned,thoughtful,and entertaining. but salma hayek is not the anti-christ,nor is jerry springer. marty allen,though is. and he’s a jew.
i’m not giving up writing sonnets,however —too many hearts out there that i still have to break.
collin:sorry about “wings of desire.”i won’t get into an argument about it even if you’re wrong wrong wrong! (at least it’s not “the pillow book.”)
you are spot-on calling it a “tantrum.”if her movie had won more awards,she wouldn’t have written a thing.
mariemm3:sorry you are an insomniac. being a dk is a good thing. jello salutes you.
brian f.:your point by point analysis is well-reasoned,thoughtful,and entertaining. but salma hayek is not the anti-christ,nor is jerry springer. marty allen,though is. and he’s a jew.
i’m not giving up writing sonnets,however —too many hearts out there that i still have to break.
collin:sorry about “wings of desire.”i won’t get into an argument about it even if you’re wrong wrong wrong! (at least it’s not “the pillow book.”)
you are spot-on calling it a “tantrum.”if her movie had won more awards,she wouldn’t have written a thing.
I am a fan of Peter Greenaway’s films,esp. “Drowning by Numbers”and “The Cook,The Thief,His Wife and Her Lover,”but “The Pillow Book”didn’t really work for me either. So we can agree on that.
I am a fan of Peter Greenaway’s films,esp. “Drowning by Numbers”and “The Cook,The Thief,His Wife and Her Lover,”but “The Pillow Book”didn’t really work for me either. So we can agree on that.
Good luck with the essay. Sounds like a real brain-killer. Maybe two parts serious,one part funny? There’s got to be some kind of combination for these things.
I thought Hoffman deserved more credit than Annie Proulx gave him in her article (so did King Kong!). You can’t really compare working with “nothing”to mimicking someone on any level,as they’re both tough. But I will say that Colm Feore played former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau on a miniseries on the CBC,and the two bear a very vague resemblance that you’d never confuse them but it was Feore’s mannerisms and voice being so amazingly RIGHT that I could believe it was Trudeau and the point of this tangent,in your lovely comments page (apologies),is that that kind of acting has to be difficult and therefore,playing a well known historical figure onscreen is harder than you say it is,Annie Proulx! You know,just in case she reads your blog,bookfraud.
The end.
Wait,no:Pointless bullet blog entries = two thumbs up!
Mm,tiny bits of interest!
That’s what I think of bullet points as.
Personally,I think it’s harder to try to play someone who lived than a fictional person. Ledger and Gyllenhall were able to adapt the characters to whatever they liked.
On the other hand,Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon sang.
And damn,he actually did a pretty spot on version of his voice.
Salma Hayek-you’re right,there were so many pony tails I thought I was at a horse show.
My only problem,and it is illustrated excellently in that picture,is that the shoulder strap that went underneath her breast didn’t go all the way underneath it. It’s bisecting. That’s not comfortable,or attractive.
Find a dress that fits the boobs,sweetie.
BF wtf are you smoking before bed to have those dreams,and if you have any left can you send me some?!!
Good luck with the essay. Sounds like a real brain-killer. Maybe two parts serious,one part funny? There’s got to be some kind of combination for these things.
I thought Hoffman deserved more credit than Annie Proulx gave him in her article (so did King Kong!). You can’t really compare working with “nothing”to mimicking someone on any level,as they’re both tough. But I will say that Colm Feore played former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau on a miniseries on the CBC,and the two bear a very vague resemblance that you’d never confuse them but it was Feore’s mannerisms and voice being so amazingly RIGHT that I could believe it was Trudeau and the point of this tangent,in your lovely comments page (apologies),is that that kind of acting has to be difficult and therefore,playing a well known historical figure onscreen is harder than you say it is,Annie Proulx! You know,just in case she reads your blog,bookfraud.
The end.
Wait,no:Pointless bullet blog entries = two thumbs up!
Good luck with the essay. Sounds like a real brain-killer. Maybe two parts serious,one part funny? There’s got to be some kind of combination for these things.
I thought Hoffman deserved more credit than Annie Proulx gave him in her article (so did King Kong!). You can’t really compare working with “nothing”to mimicking someone on any level,as they’re both tough. But I will say that Colm Feore played former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau on a miniseries on the CBC,and the two bear a very vague resemblance that you’d never confuse them but it was Feore’s mannerisms and voice being so amazingly RIGHT that I could believe it was Trudeau and the point of this tangent,in your lovely comments page (apologies),is that that kind of acting has to be difficult and therefore,playing a well known historical figure onscreen is harder than you say it is,Annie Proulx! You know,just in case she reads your blog,bookfraud.
The end.
Wait,no:Pointless bullet blog entries = two thumbs up!
Mm,tiny bits of interest!
That’s what I think of bullet points as.
Personally,I think it’s harder to try to play someone who lived than a fictional person. Ledger and Gyllenhall were able to adapt the characters to whatever they liked.
On the other hand,Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon sang.
And damn,he actually did a pretty spot on version of his voice.
Salma Hayek-you’re right,there were so many pony tails I thought I was at a horse show.
My only problem,and it is illustrated excellently in that picture,is that the shoulder strap that went underneath her breast didn’t go all the way underneath it. It’s bisecting. That’s not comfortable,or attractive.
Find a dress that fits the boobs,sweetie.
Mm,tiny bits of interest!
That’s what I think of bullet points as.
Personally,I think it’s harder to try to play someone who lived than a fictional person. Ledger and Gyllenhall were able to adapt the characters to whatever they liked.
On the other hand,Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon sang.
And damn,he actually did a pretty spot on version of his voice.
Salma Hayek-you’re right,there were so many pony tails I thought I was at a horse show.
My only problem,and it is illustrated excellently in that picture,is that the shoulder strap that went underneath her breast didn’t go all the way underneath it. It’s bisecting. That’s not comfortable,or attractive.
Find a dress that fits the boobs,sweetie.
BF wtf are you smoking before bed to have those dreams,and if you have any left can you send me some?!!
BF wtf are you smoking before bed to have those dreams,and if you have any left can you send me some?!!
Guess Selma’s not gonna get that Secret endorsement deal
collin:you know,i like greenaway’s other films,“the cook,the thief…”in particular,but “the pillow book”was just torture. especially vivian wu. i wanted to kill her.
courtney:right you are about playing historial figures —it can be so much harder;proulx just sounded pissy. i know she’s reading this blog,i just know it.
and as far as “two thumbs up”comment,you always manage to put a smile on my face,courtney,no small feat.
madame d.:you put it beautifully;ledger and gyllenhdasadqzf (or how ever it is spelled) could just play the cowpokes as they pleased.
selma had the hair but not the dress,you are right. i don’t know about boob straps,though they don’t sound like fun.
michelle:i do not smoke. however,i ate two pizzas before i slept.
phil:ha! right you are. it doesn’t look like she just spilled some water there.
Guess Selma’s not gonna get that Secret endorsement deal
Guess Selma’s not gonna get that Secret endorsement deal
collin:you know,i like greenaway’s other films,“the cook,the thief…”in particular,but “the pillow book”was just torture. especially vivian wu. i wanted to kill her.
courtney:right you are about playing historial figures —it can be so much harder;proulx just sounded pissy. i know she’s reading this blog,i just know it.
and as far as “two thumbs up”comment,you always manage to put a smile on my face,courtney,no small feat.
collin:you know,i like greenaway’s other films,“the cook,the thief…”in particular,but “the pillow book”was just torture. especially vivian wu. i wanted to kill her.
courtney:right you are about playing historial figures —it can be so much harder;proulx just sounded pissy. i know she’s reading this blog,i just know it.
and as far as “two thumbs up”comment,you always manage to put a smile on my face,courtney,no small feat.
madame d.:you put it beautifully;ledger and gyllenhdasadqzf (or how ever it is spelled) could just play the cowpokes as they pleased.
selma had the hair but not the dress,you are right. i don’t know about boob straps,though they don’t sound like fun.
michelle:i do not smoke. however,i ate two pizzas before i slept.
phil:ha! right you are. it doesn’t look like she just spilled some water there.
madame d.:you put it beautifully;ledger and gyllenhdasadqzf (or how ever it is spelled) could just play the cowpokes as they pleased.
selma had the hair but not the dress,you are right. i don’t know about boob straps,though they don’t sound like fun.
michelle:i do not smoke. however,i ate two pizzas before i slept.
phil:ha! right you are. it doesn’t look like she just spilled some water there.
There’s a lot to be said for pointless bullets,be they in blogs,or be they in wars.
There’s a lot to be said for pointless bullets,be they in blogs,or be they in wars.
There’s a lot to be said for pointless bullets,be they in blogs,or be they in wars.
I got the Sex Pistols.
Too bad I can’t stand them/Johnny Rotten’s voice and am a raging fan of the Ramones and,to a lesser extent,the Dead Kennedys. Geez.
I got the Sex Pistols.
Too bad I can’t stand them/Johnny Rotten’s voice and am a raging fan of the Ramones and,to a lesser extent,the Dead Kennedys. Geez.
I got the Sex Pistols.
Too bad I can’t stand them/Johnny Rotten’s voice and am a raging fan of the Ramones and,to a lesser extent,the Dead Kennedys. Geez.
This is a lot to take in but you know me,I’ll find the part that pokes me in the eye. So commenting about your writing…this magazine stuff,the key to being funny and interesting is to allow the person whom you are writing about to tell the story. You just step out of the way,fill in transitions and let them run amok all over the page. E-mail me if you need some magazine contact info. I wanna see you outta this writting rut shit. Ooops,did I just swear?
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane
This is a lot to take in but you know me,I’ll find the part that pokes me in the eye. So commenting about your writing…this magazine stuff,the key to being funny and interesting is to allow the person whom you are writing about to tell the story. You just step out of the way,fill in transitions and let them run amok all over the page. E-mail me if you need some magazine contact info. I wanna see you outta this writting rut shit. Ooops,did I just swear?
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane
This is a lot to take in but you know me,I’ll find the part that pokes me in the eye. So commenting about your writing…this magazine stuff,the key to being funny and interesting is to allow the person whom you are writing about to tell the story. You just step out of the way,fill in transitions and let them run amok all over the page. E-mail me if you need some magazine contact info. I wanna see you outta this writting rut shit. Ooops,did I just swear?
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane
fwc:agreed re:bullets. how close are you to getting winkie out of the can?
maya:ah,don’t dis my boy johnny rotten. or the pistols. his voice is the best ever. one day you will see the light.
lois:my eye hurts now. but your words are wise —getting out of the way is half the battle indeed.
you may regret offering your help…but have a great weekend,too.
fwc:agreed re:bullets. how close are you to getting winkie out of the can?
maya:ah,don’t dis my boy johnny rotten. or the pistols. his voice is the best ever. one day you will see the light.
lois:my eye hurts now. but your words are wise —getting out of the way is half the battle indeed.
you may regret offering your help…but have a great weekend,too.
fwc:agreed re:bullets. how close are you to getting winkie out of the can?
maya:ah,don’t dis my boy johnny rotten. or the pistols. his voice is the best ever. one day you will see the light.
lois:my eye hurts now. but your words are wise —getting out of the way is half the battle indeed.
you may regret offering your help…but have a great weekend,too.
Annie Proulx is an idiot. I had almost purchased her little book in an airport a few weeks ago–so glad I didn’t. I don’t like whiners.
Oh,Wide World of Sports. I used to love that show. Very highbrow.
Annie Proulx is an idiot. I had almost purchased her little book in an airport a few weeks ago–so glad I didn’t. I don’t like whiners.
Oh,Wide World of Sports. I used to love that show. Very highbrow.
Annie Proulx is an idiot. I had almost purchased her little book in an airport a few weeks ago–so glad I didn’t. I don’t like whiners.
Oh,Wide World of Sports. I used to love that show. Very highbrow.
anon.:if she isn’t an idiot,proulx sounded like she had a serious case of hemorrhoids.
glad somebody commented on “wws”–jim mckay,crashing ski jumper,arm-wrestling tournaments. highbrow indeed.
anon.:if she isn’t an idiot,proulx sounded like she had a serious case of hemorrhoids.
glad somebody commented on “wws”–jim mckay,crashing ski jumper,arm-wrestling tournaments. highbrow indeed.