One of my many White House contacts, who have been courting me assiduously ever since my 15 seconds of recognition last week, called me in a trembling voice.
“Hey, ‘fraud, we have something for you,” said one of the many “high-level contacts” in my extensive intelligence network. Turns out, he was leaking haiku. George W. Bush-written haiku. I’ll bet you didn’t know that our President wrote poetry. I sure didn’t.
This is all top-secret, hush-hush: even Alberto “VO-5″ Gonzales can’t even write a twisted legal opinion approving it, a la torture or wiretapping or an Oval Office showing of the NC-17 director’s cut of “Brokeback Mountain.”
Haiku is his middle name
I have posted haiku once before, in the name of Elvis. Now, if you, the reader, are thinking, “what a cheap, sleazy, lazy way to make a new entry, posting other people’s poetry, while recycling an old idea,” you are absolutely correct.
But still. President Bush’s haiku must be exposed to the harsh light of public knowledge, so that we can have a free and thriving democracy!
What I have to do
is stand tall to Osama
if I could find him
When a hippie asked,
‘War? What is it good for?” it
Was a trick question
Hidden WMDs
Iraqis are evildoers
Saddam tossed a loaf
Vice said I’d messed up
Dick had turned totally red
begged for His mercy
It is so true that
wealth is earned by the owner
just like I have done
The new budget has
no Al Gore-like fuzzy math
There’s no math at all
Just try to keep up
Even though gays are God’s
children, they should not marry,
but I like their clothes
Burning Danish flags
Why? It’s not like we’re talking
about Jesus here
I don’t know why you
could hate Muhammad, as he
knocked out George Foreman
They said I was “dissed”
at Coretta’s funeral –
What does dis mean? Really?
Brownie got bad press
He did a heck of a job
Sucking up for work
New Orleans flooded
I had cried a million tears
Pat O’Brien’s was gone
Plato, Socrates
Nietzsche, Hegel, Sartre, Rousseau
Read ‘em all on tape
Can’t let due process
block me from fighting for the
American way
We’re wiretappin’
All around the great big globe
Why do they hate us?
We have to listen
to foreigners talkin’ trash
Makes Dick kinda hot
The only thing that
I thought was going to be tapped
was a keg of Coors
If this is the last you hear of me, you will know the reason why. Send your cards and letters in c/o Abu Ghraib.
Newsweek?! Well, la…di…da. Next stop, Oprah. Make sure at least 95 percent of what you write is true.
What beautiful poetry.
collin: it was a mistake, the newsweek thing. it meant to say “booktard.blogspot.com.” and you know i only tell the truth.
antagonist: don’t thank me, thank w. he da man.
Congrats! Conga-rats! This linkage has to have lifted your spirits a bit. At least I hope it has!
Wow…I knows me a celeb-ri-tee.
Newsweek?! Well, la…di…da. Next stop, Oprah. Make sure at least 95 percent of what you write is true.
Newsweek?! Well, la…di…da. Next stop, Oprah. Make sure at least 95 percent of what you write is true.
What beautiful poetry.
What beautiful poetry.
collin: it was a mistake, the newsweek thing. it meant to say “booktard.blogspot.com.” and you know i only tell the truth.
antagonist: don’t thank me, thank w. he da man.
collin: it was a mistake, the newsweek thing. it meant to say “booktard.blogspot.com.” and you know i only tell the truth.
antagonist: don’t thank me, thank w. he da man.
Congrats! Conga-rats! This linkage has to have lifted your spirits a bit. At least I hope it has!
Wow…I knows me a celeb-ri-tee.
Congrats! Conga-rats! This linkage has to have lifted your spirits a bit. At least I hope it has!
Wow…I knows me a celeb-ri-tee.
Newsweek? Don’t you dare forget us little people when your famous!
Newsweek? Don’t you dare forget us little people when your famous!
Newsweek? Don’t you dare forget us little people when your famous!
glitz: me no celebrity. me anonymous blogger with lucky break.
michelle: i won’t forget ya, because i’m not going to be famous…
glitz: me no celebrity. me anonymous blogger with lucky break.
michelle: i won’t forget ya, because i’m not going to be famous…
glitz: me no celebrity. me anonymous blogger with lucky break.
michelle: i won’t forget ya, because i’m not going to be famous…
You rock, BF! Your hits will undoubtedly spike now. The cream always rises, etc.
You rock, BF! Your hits will undoubtedly spike now. The cream always rises, etc.
You rock, BF! Your hits will undoubtedly spike now. The cream always rises, etc.
now just sit back and wait for the book deals to come rolling in. ::waiting…:: anything yet? how about now? ::cough:: now?
now just sit back and wait for the book deals to come rolling in. ::waiting…:: anything yet? how about now? ::cough:: now?
now just sit back and wait for the book deals to come rolling in. ::waiting…:: anything yet? how about now? ::cough:: now?
Okay, I love the one about philosophers on tape.
You KNOW he had someone else listen to them and give him soundbites.
Okay, I love the one about philosophers on tape.
You KNOW he had someone else listen to them and give him soundbites.
Okay, I love the one about philosophers on tape.
You KNOW he had someone else listen to them and give him soundbites.
Anyone interested in poetry, particularly light verse, I’d encourage you to check out the website http://www.ddaze.com. Okay, it’s partly because I edited one of their books. But it’s also a fun site.
Anyone interested in poetry, particularly light verse, I’d encourage you to check out the website http://www.ddaze.com. Okay, it’s partly because I edited one of their books. But it’s also a fun site.
Anyone interested in poetry, particularly light verse, I’d encourage you to check out the website http://www.ddaze.com. Okay, it’s partly because I edited one of their books. But it’s also a fun site.
By the way, mister — If you’re all mister popular, you should have a blogroll so the rest of us can leech off your new found popularity. I mean seriously — we’d do it for you!
By the way, mister — If you’re all mister popular, you should have a blogroll so the rest of us can leech off your new found popularity. I mean seriously — we’d do it for you!
By the way, mister — If you’re all mister popular, you should have a blogroll so the rest of us can leech off your new found popularity. I mean seriously — we’d do it for you!