It’s been several months since I sent a batch of stories to lit mags and the like,and only a few have rejected me. There are still about 10 submissions floating out in the ether. That means I gotta wait and wait some more.
If “Waiting For Godot”entailed an eternal vigil for something that will not happen,“Waiting For the Goddamn SASE Back”is a less-than-eternal vigil for something that mostly likely will not happen,that is,acceptance.
As anyone who has submitted to literary magazines and journals will know,the usual rejection (it’s never a letter,but a slip of paper,those cheap bastards) contains no encouraging words,no critique;it’s nothing but a heartless form letter that might as well be an extremely sharp kitchen instrument.
Waiting for a response
What is most evil about this process is that one will wait months for this scrap,this Xeroxed piece of paper that rips out the heart and renders you suicidal for 24 hours. If your story sucks,you would think they could tell you in less than eight months.
Worse,the longer one waits,the greater the expectation becomes. They haven’t rejected me yet,you think,so I must be close to getting published! I’m in the finals! Then,reality crushes you like you’re a bug and they’re Sidney Greenstreet.
Several months ago,I wrote about sending stuff off to the Great Literary Vortex &Cabal. Now I wait. So,in case you’re wondering,here is how I pass the time before getting the inevitable rejection letters:
–Write new stories that I pretend are essential,perfect pieces that those SOBs will have to take the next time.
–Delude myself into thinking that the Northwest Shithole State Journal is reading my prose with rapt attention,with nubile 23-year-old grad students swooning in my wake.
–Provide support to Wife,who is getting rejections of her own,except hers are actually nice,handwritten letters that beg of her to send more stories.
–Waste time on blogging.
–Expand the mind via televised media (WWE Raw,South Park,Brain Surgery Network),exciting new hobbies (computer games,a musical instrument gathering dust,crashing cars into piles of dead refrigerators),or exploring old favorites (sports,porn,beer,porn,rearranging CD collection,porn).
–Read books that are either a) well written but not too well written,so that I believe that surely that I could get my stuff published;b) that are written like manna handed down from the gods,to the degree that I consider hacking off my digits,one by one,for what the fuck am I doing compared to,say,Nabokov or Garcia Marquez;or c) reading crap in the same literary magazines that are going to reject me,and screaming,Jesus Christ!,wondering why they wouldn’t publish me as I am obviously writing circles around these chuckleheads.
I’ve always said that to varying degrees,writers are malajusted,neurotic,or social outcasts. (Me,I’m all of the above,proud of it,and heading to a mental ward near you.) I’m beginning to believe that these various mental conditions are a result of waiting for rejection letters. It’s a virtuous circle of despair,you see.
I’ve been waching TV instead of reading lately,and all of the sudden I can’t write. Everything I put down is clumsy,awkward,and horribly shallow. I suck,too! You’re not alone. I suspect my low word consumption count is malnourishing my creative batteries.
So you have the Brain Surgery Network? Whenever I visit my mother,she has the Colonoscopy Channel on. Either that or figure skating. I don’t visit Mom very much these days.
i like my rejection letters by email. mcsweeney’s is really good at that.::sigh::
I’ve been waching TV instead of reading lately,and all of the sudden I can’t write. Everything I put down is clumsy,awkward,and horribly shallow. I suck,too! You’re not alone. I suspect my low word consumption count is malnourishing my creative batteries.
So you have the Brain Surgery Network? Whenever I visit my mother,she has the Colonoscopy Channel on. Either that or figure skating. I don’t visit Mom very much these days.
I’ve been waching TV instead of reading lately,and all of the sudden I can’t write. Everything I put down is clumsy,awkward,and horribly shallow. I suck,too! You’re not alone. I suspect my low word consumption count is malnourishing my creative batteries.
So you have the Brain Surgery Network? Whenever I visit my mother,she has the Colonoscopy Channel on. Either that or figure skating. I don’t visit Mom very much these days.
steve:TV is the enemy. TV is bad. TV is satan. the brain surgery network is great,but the colonoscopy channel is murdering it in the ratings.
bees:mcsweeney’s killed kenny! you bastards! and good point about the e-mail rejection —those are evil,though faster…
i like my rejection letters by email. mcsweeney’s is really good at that.::sigh::
i like my rejection letters by email. mcsweeney’s is really good at that.::sigh::
“letters from malajusted,neurotic,socially awkward grad students”–you wound me,sir!
Two things to do to while you while away your time:check out this brief Simpson’s clip. http://www.math.sunysb.edu/~caner/simpsons.wmv .
Then come over to my site and let your creative juices flow with my Caption That Picture contest.
steve:TV is the enemy. TV is bad. TV is satan. the brain surgery network is great,but the colonoscopy channel is murdering it in the ratings.
bees:mcsweeney’s killed kenny! you bastards! and good point about the e-mail rejection —those are evil,though faster…
steve:TV is the enemy. TV is bad. TV is satan. the brain surgery network is great,but the colonoscopy channel is murdering it in the ratings.
bees:mcsweeney’s killed kenny! you bastards! and good point about the e-mail rejection —those are evil,though faster…
“letters from malajusted,neurotic,socially awkward grad students”–you wound me,sir!
Two things to do to while you while away your time:check out this brief Simpson’s clip. http://www.math.sunysb.edu/~caner/simpsons.wmv .
Then come over to my site and let your creative juices flow with my Caption That Picture contest.
“letters from malajusted,neurotic,socially awkward grad students”–you wound me,sir!
Two things to do to while you while away your time:check out this brief Simpson’s clip. http://www.math.sunysb.edu/~caner/simpsons.wmv .
Then come over to my site and let your creative juices flow with my Caption That Picture contest.
What’s worse is when they send the photocopied slip and hastily write a note that says something like:“These were so close”or “I really loved ___ but we decided not to use it”or “Good work,but not really for us.”Personally,I’d rather just have the impersonal slip.
I am such a waste.
I can’t write fiction anymore.
I can barely write a coherent essay.
Perhaps the fact that I loathe research kills me on making anything pointful on my blog,but damn,I barely wrote anything there this week,and I even have crap to write about.
Going to go suck in peace now-existentially speaking,not in any interesting sort of way.
Unfortunately.
What’s worse is when they send the photocopied slip and hastily write a note that says something like:“These were so close”or “I really loved ___ but we decided not to use it”or “Good work,but not really for us.”Personally,I’d rather just have the impersonal slip.
What’s worse is when they send the photocopied slip and hastily write a note that says something like:“These were so close”or “I really loved ___ but we decided not to use it”or “Good work,but not really for us.”Personally,I’d rather just have the impersonal slip.
I am such a waste.
I can’t write fiction anymore.
I can barely write a coherent essay.
Perhaps the fact that I loathe research kills me on making anything pointful on my blog,but damn,I barely wrote anything there this week,and I even have crap to write about.
Going to go suck in peace now-existentially speaking,not in any interesting sort of way.
Unfortunately.
I am such a waste.
I can’t write fiction anymore.
I can barely write a coherent essay.
Perhaps the fact that I loathe research kills me on making anything pointful on my blog,but damn,I barely wrote anything there this week,and I even have crap to write about.
Going to go suck in peace now-existentially speaking,not in any interesting sort of way.
Unfortunately.
eng. prof.:hilarious clip. i make $600 a year!
collin:yes!!! it’s the gatekeepers’tease. the mad-libs version sux.
madame d:a special response for you. have you been drinking the same kool-aid as me? the great thing about writing is that you can suck and nobody knows about it. don’t publish the crap. when you’re felling like this,you just gotta write through it.
eng. prof.:hilarious clip. i make $600 a year!
collin:yes!!! it’s the gatekeepers’tease. the mad-libs version sux.
eng. prof.:hilarious clip. i make $600 a year!
collin:yes!!! it’s the gatekeepers’tease. the mad-libs version sux.
madame d:a special response for you. have you been drinking the same kool-aid as me? the great thing about writing is that you can suck and nobody knows about it. don’t publish the crap. when you’re felling like this,you just gotta write through it.
madame d:a special response for you. have you been drinking the same kool-aid as me? the great thing about writing is that you can suck and nobody knows about it. don’t publish the crap. when you’re felling like this,you just gotta write through it.