Wife is about to leave for a week to visit her family, leaving yours alone and running the ship. Unrestrained by spousal nagging and endless verbal abuse, I’m going to be “living large” and “do whatever the hell I please” because the “ball-and-chain” isn’t around “to kick my ass.”
Here are my top 10 disgusting habits that will come “out of the closet” as soon as Wife shuts the door:
1. Download copious amounts of Ron Jeremy video.
2. Leave tire-tracked undies on the floor, clean ‘em in the dishwasher.
3. Smell the nasty parts; decide which clothes to wash.
4. Ted Nugent-a-thon!
5. Clean the toilet, especially the dirty brown film that attaches to the inside. Remove film by urinating on it.
6. Dust Bunny Olympics.
7. Pick, pick, pick my toes.
8. Drink white wine with red meat, red wine with chicken. (Really pushing it here).
9. Dinner: “Chomp-O Sugar Bomb Flakes.”
10. Readjust myself anywhere, anytime, all the time.
Sound awesome or what? I’m taking reservations at the Hotel Bookfraud.
To say that Wife takes care of me is gross understatement; I’m the driver who never changes the oil, I’m the cook who never cleans the pot, I’m the surgeon who doesn’t bother to scrub. Things kinda go to hell when she’s not around — not that Wife cooks and cleans (though she protests that she bears the burden of such tasks — not true, I swear, baby!), but she has an eye out for my health, and makes sure I don’t get into too much trouble. The better half thing and all that, and I am fortunate to have her.
I have known relationships quite different than the one I enjoy now, characterized by mutual selfishness that produced a great deal of drama, tears, and totally hot sex. The volcanic lovemaking was rather nice, though it came at a price. Not that this a commentary on my current love life. OK?
Living large
But it does bring up an interesting question for writers, and artists of all stripes. In what situation do we thrive? Can a writer in a normal, happy relationship create art, or does it have to be Sturm und Drang back at the ranch?
We could go through the pantheon of great writers and artists and get different answers, of course. Moving through the centuries, for instance: Shakespeare, kinda fucked up; Beethoven, really fucked up; James Joyce/Woolfe/Hemmingway/Faulkner etc., astoundingly fucking fucking fucking fuck fuck fucked up.
Then again, Nabokov had Vera, who rescued a draft of “Lolita” that Vlad had tossed into a fire. And I’m sure there are countless other artists who had a normal life at home. I just can’t think of any right now. Everybody can list them in the comments section.
For my own self-interested purposes, I can say that having stability has indeed made me a better writer, for I do not spend my waking moments agonizing over the myriad problems at home. Plus, Wife kicks me in the ass when I feel sorry for myself. A good person to have around, that Wife.
Oh, stability, definitely.
Now, my husband’s a great guy, but do you suppose we could pick up one of those wives who would just tend to things around here? Wait, they have a name for those–maids. Dang. Can’t afford it.
I think most brilliant writers or artists for that matter are screwed in the head. Now i’m talking brilliance just as you gave examples. Sure, you can make a decent living of being average and having the stability of the “norm” but it’s the volitility that sorts the average from the genius!
Jesus Not The Nooooge! OK, now that that’s out of my system…
I often struggle with the question of whether *settling down* kills the more passionate aspects of our lives leaving us complacent lumps of fat and bone on a worn and tattered love seat. And I still struggle with that question today. You are not alone. But doing the crazy 24-7 is exhausting. Its that middle ground you need to embrace. For this I am certain.
Oh, stability, definitely.
Now, my husband’s a great guy, but do you suppose we could pick up one of those wives who would just tend to things around here? Wait, they have a name for those–maids. Dang. Can’t afford it.
Oh, stability, definitely.
Now, my husband’s a great guy, but do you suppose we could pick up one of those wives who would just tend to things around here? Wait, they have a name for those–maids. Dang. Can’t afford it.
I think most brilliant writers or artists for that matter are screwed in the head. Now i’m talking brilliance just as you gave examples. Sure, you can make a decent living of being average and having the stability of the “norm” but it’s the volitility that sorts the average from the genius!
I think most brilliant writers or artists for that matter are screwed in the head. Now i’m talking brilliance just as you gave examples. Sure, you can make a decent living of being average and having the stability of the “norm” but it’s the volitility that sorts the average from the genius!
Jesus Not The Nooooge! OK, now that that’s out of my system…
I often struggle with the question of whether *settling down* kills the more passionate aspects of our lives leaving us complacent lumps of fat and bone on a worn and tattered love seat. And I still struggle with that question today. You are not alone. But doing the crazy 24-7 is exhausting. Its that middle ground you need to embrace. For this I am certain.
Jesus Not The Nooooge! OK, now that that’s out of my system…
I often struggle with the question of whether *settling down* kills the more passionate aspects of our lives leaving us complacent lumps of fat and bone on a worn and tattered love seat. And I still struggle with that question today. You are not alone. But doing the crazy 24-7 is exhausting. Its that middle ground you need to embrace. For this I am certain.
Hmm… ok, let me think…. from all accounts I think Margaret Atwood has a pretty stable life, as did Mordecai Richler (though it was a bit messy in his youth) and Robertson Davies. Michael Chabon sounds like he has a pretty good domestic life, though his wife does sound like a bit of a wing-nut, but it seems to work for him. I’ll try and think of more later; I’m still waking up at the moment. I think the ‘fucked up’ author creating great writing is a bit of a cliche, but I do believe that if you’ve lived a completely stable, happy life with little or no Sturn und Drang, chances are your writing won’t be very compelling.
Your disgusting habits sounded so similar for a moment I thought it was my husband writing this blog, which is fabulous, by the way. Great writing. Must be all the Sturm und Drang.
I better put marriage on hold for sometime
) White wine with meat is not as bad as one thinks 
) Cleaning up on the other hand can be tedious!
The perils of togetherness and marriage:-))
amy: we can take up a collection for a maid. husband doesn’t pick up? he can come and live with me, until Wife returns.
michelle: i agree to some extent, but there are brilliant folks who had “normal” lives without a whit of mental illness.
also, why is it that nobody ever talks about brilliance in the sciences being a function of being screwed up in the head?
bees: interesting points. i’ve always felt that if you’re creative in any way, you will create no matter what’s going on at home. i could be a complacent lump of fat when i was single, young, and crazy — i just talked about writing a lot, rather than doing it.
patricia: interesting how all the examples you gave of “normal” writers — atwood, davies, and richler — are all canucks. could it be the weather, p-meal bacon, or timbits? (then again, i see you’re from toronto). as to michael chabon’s wife, it does sound like she’s a bit out there, from what i’ve read. thanks for the props.
kathleen: i don’t know if you realize it, but since you don’t care about white wine and cleaning, you’ve become the most desireable woman in the world.
I’m still trying to think of a normal writer…
Hmm… ok, let me think…. from all accounts I think Margaret Atwood has a pretty stable life, as did Mordecai Richler (though it was a bit messy in his youth) and Robertson Davies. Michael Chabon sounds like he has a pretty good domestic life, though his wife does sound like a bit of a wing-nut, but it seems to work for him. I’ll try and think of more later; I’m still waking up at the moment. I think the ‘fucked up’ author creating great writing is a bit of a cliche, but I do believe that if you’ve lived a completely stable, happy life with little or no Sturn und Drang, chances are your writing won’t be very compelling.
Your disgusting habits sounded so similar for a moment I thought it was my husband writing this blog, which is fabulous, by the way. Great writing. Must be all the Sturm und Drang.
Hmm… ok, let me think…. from all accounts I think Margaret Atwood has a pretty stable life, as did Mordecai Richler (though it was a bit messy in his youth) and Robertson Davies. Michael Chabon sounds like he has a pretty good domestic life, though his wife does sound like a bit of a wing-nut, but it seems to work for him. I’ll try and think of more later; I’m still waking up at the moment. I think the ‘fucked up’ author creating great writing is a bit of a cliche, but I do believe that if you’ve lived a completely stable, happy life with little or no Sturn und Drang, chances are your writing won’t be very compelling.
Your disgusting habits sounded so similar for a moment I thought it was my husband writing this blog, which is fabulous, by the way. Great writing. Must be all the Sturm und Drang.
I better put marriage on hold for sometime
) White wine with meat is not as bad as one thinks 
) Cleaning up on the other hand can be tedious!
The perils of togetherness and marriage:-))
I better put marriage on hold for sometime
) White wine with meat is not as bad as one thinks 
) Cleaning up on the other hand can be tedious!
The perils of togetherness and marriage:-))
Enjoy your toe picking time (and all that other stuff you mentioned).
Lois Lane
amy: we can take up a collection for a maid. husband doesn’t pick up? he can come and live with me, until Wife returns.
michelle: i agree to some extent, but there are brilliant folks who had “normal” lives without a whit of mental illness.
also, why is it that nobody ever talks about brilliance in the sciences being a function of being screwed up in the head?
amy: we can take up a collection for a maid. husband doesn’t pick up? he can come and live with me, until Wife returns.
michelle: i agree to some extent, but there are brilliant folks who had “normal” lives without a whit of mental illness.
also, why is it that nobody ever talks about brilliance in the sciences being a function of being screwed up in the head?
bees: interesting points. i’ve always felt that if you’re creative in any way, you will create no matter what’s going on at home. i could be a complacent lump of fat when i was single, young, and crazy — i just talked about writing a lot, rather than doing it.
patricia: interesting how all the examples you gave of “normal” writers — atwood, davies, and richler — are all canucks. could it be the weather, p-meal bacon, or timbits? (then again, i see you’re from toronto). as to michael chabon’s wife, it does sound like she’s a bit out there, from what i’ve read. thanks for the props.
bees: interesting points. i’ve always felt that if you’re creative in any way, you will create no matter what’s going on at home. i could be a complacent lump of fat when i was single, young, and crazy — i just talked about writing a lot, rather than doing it.
patricia: interesting how all the examples you gave of “normal” writers — atwood, davies, and richler — are all canucks. could it be the weather, p-meal bacon, or timbits? (then again, i see you’re from toronto). as to michael chabon’s wife, it does sound like she’s a bit out there, from what i’ve read. thanks for the props.
kathleen: i don’t know if you realize it, but since you don’t care about white wine and cleaning, you’ve become the most desireable woman in the world.
kathleen: i don’t know if you realize it, but since you don’t care about white wine and cleaning, you’ve become the most desireable woman in the world.
I’m still trying to think of a normal writer…
I’m still trying to think of a normal writer…
Enjoy your toe picking time (and all that other stuff you mentioned).
Lois Lane
Enjoy your toe picking time (and all that other stuff you mentioned).
Lois Lane
Smiled at this post…Hmm was it a “normal” smile or one of a half-crazed artistic soul who still retains both of her ears? I have several paintings to complete….
You hit the nail square on the head with the observation/question “Why aren’t scientific genuises considered wacko?” (to paraphrase you.) Sometimes they are, but it is true that mental illness is most often associated with artistic souls. Too bad, because it’s a fallacy.
Artistic souls in the writing, visual arts, theatre arts, and music often display much more of their feelings to the world. Opening up does not equate to mental illness.
Thank you for citing several people not thus afflicted who are gifted in their field. (Please note though, that I also notice that mental illness can spark creativity, but fervently wish those thus affected would and could seek help without any societal stigma. Mental illness is as miserable as physical illness.
Smiled at this post…Hmm was it a “normal” smile or one of a half-crazed artistic soul who still retains both of her ears? I have several paintings to complete….
You hit the nail square on the head with the observation/question “Why aren’t scientific genuises considered wacko?” (to paraphrase you.) Sometimes they are, but it is true that mental illness is most often associated with artistic souls. Too bad, because it’s a fallacy.
Artistic souls in the writing, visual arts, theatre arts, and music often display much more of their feelings to the world. Opening up does not equate to mental illness.
Thank you for citing several people not thus afflicted who are gifted in their field. (Please note though, that I also notice that mental illness can spark creativity, but fervently wish those thus affected would and could seek help without any societal stigma. Mental illness is as miserable as physical illness.
Smiled at this post…Hmm was it a “normal” smile or one of a half-crazed artistic soul who still retains both of her ears? I have several paintings to complete….
You hit the nail square on the head with the observation/question “Why aren’t scientific genuises considered wacko?” (to paraphrase you.) Sometimes they are, but it is true that mental illness is most often associated with artistic souls. Too bad, because it’s a fallacy.
Artistic souls in the writing, visual arts, theatre arts, and music often display much more of their feelings to the world. Opening up does not equate to mental illness.
Thank you for citing several people not thus afflicted who are gifted in their field. (Please note though, that I also notice that mental illness can spark creativity, but fervently wish those thus affected would and could seek help without any societal stigma. Mental illness is as miserable as physical illness.
Leave tire-tracked undies on the floor, clean ‘em in the dishwasher.
Just on that thought alone only guys could hang out at your house while your wife is gone..lol
The NOOOOOOOGE!!!! [OK, so write something for fuck's sake! Madame Bees is bored!];)
Leave tire-tracked undies on the floor, clean ‘em in the dishwasher.
Just on that thought alone only guys could hang out at your house while your wife is gone..lol
Leave tire-tracked undies on the floor, clean ‘em in the dishwasher.
Just on that thought alone only guys could hang out at your house while your wife is gone..lol
The NOOOOOOOGE!!!! [OK, so write something for fuck's sake! Madame Bees is bored!];)
The NOOOOOOOGE!!!! [OK, so write something for fuck's sake! Madame Bees is bored!];)
You are so funny Bookfraud…
I am currently enjoying “The Pillow book”
Takes my mind off cleaning up
You are so funny Bookfraud…
I am currently enjoying “The Pillow book”
Takes my mind off cleaning up
You are so funny Bookfraud…
I am currently enjoying “The Pillow book”
Takes my mind off cleaning up
to all waiting for another entry…patience, luke
to all waiting for another entry…patience, luke
to all waiting for another entry…patience, luke