As I await word from publishers on my novel, and having really nothing better to do, I thought it might be instructive to share a taste of publisher’s rejection letters.
Why am I doing this, you ask? For sympathy? To blow the lid off a corrupt publishing world?
No, because the past week I have either been crazy with work, or have had the energy level of a wet dogturd, and thought it best to produce an E-Z post. Plus, since staring at the screen for more than 21 seconds at a time creates this vertiginous sensation like there are small oozing pustules on my body, making me feel as if I will expel ink-black vomitus, I’ll keep it relatively short, brain free, and lacking the usual light-hearted, good-natured tone of the terminally optimistic.
Reject me at will.
WHAT THEY SAY: “This was entertaining and unique. But I didn’t think that the story came together in the end.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: I loved it! But it’s gonna sell 100 copies.
WHAT THEY SAY: “The novel starts strong with a great premise, but ultimately fails to capture my interest.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: It sucked.
WHAT THEY SAY: “Thank you for sending this. It was one of the most interersting novels to pass my desk in some time. However, it’s just not right for me.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: It totally sucked.
Somebody’s mad as hell. But not Bookfraud
WHAT THEY SAY: “The novel gets lost near the end, and I had a hard time following the various plot contrivances and twists.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: I didn’t have time to finish it.
WHAT THEY SAY: “The writing is fresh, and the characters are facinating. This book really got my attention. Ultimately, however, I’ll have to pass.”
WHAT THEY MEAN: If I saw you in a bar, I’d think you were hot, but I’d never sleep with you.
Thank you, thank you.
What is kinda strange is that the rejection letters don’t bother me. That is, they didn’t bother me until six weeks had passed after receiving each one, a time when I stewed in a blood rage about the publishing corpocracy conspiring against me. Somebody whose writing I respect immensely had his novel rejected a bazillion times before it got accepted — and this after he published a collection of short stories. I really have nothing to bitch about. (Which really means I have no reason to live).
More importantly, I finally have realized that rejection isn’t simply a function of the book’s quality, but also of its commercial potential. And I just have to live with that. Publishing is a business, lest I forget.
The interesting thing about rejection letters on books is that they are formal and generally nice to the agent — after all, editors rely upon agents to send them good material. Also, I have noticed a subtle pattern among the rejections: the beginning rocks, but the ending isn’t as swell. Maybe I can learn from this. Perhaps I will emerge with a better novel, as a better person, in a better world, with better food and ketchup packets that are as easy to open as it was for me to write this, goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow. Don’t wake me.
michelle: we’re already planning to go down there again. just not on a book tour.
goth image: thanks for the support. i saw john’s note on your blog. i’m fashioning a response, of sorts.
steve g: oh, how art thou nice. but i don’t want anyone smelling the bookfraud, as they may get ill.
michelle: we’re already planning to go down there again. just not on a book tour.
goth image: thanks for the support. i saw john’s note on your blog. i’m fashioning a response, of sorts.
steve g: oh, how art thou nice. but i don’t want anyone smelling the bookfraud, as they may get ill.
michelle: we’re already planning to go down there again. just not on a book tour.
goth image: thanks for the support. i saw john’s note on your blog. i’m fashioning a response, of sorts.
steve g: oh, how art thou nice. but i don’t want anyone smelling the bookfraud, as they may get ill.
Your comments were pretty damn funny. Keep up the fight. One day I will see Bookfraud on the cover of a book in Barnes & Noble…
Your comments were pretty damn funny. Keep up the fight. One day I will see Bookfraud on the cover of a book in Barnes & Noble…
Your comments were pretty damn funny. Keep up the fight. One day I will see Bookfraud on the cover of a book in Barnes & Noble…
I’m rooting for you actually hearing good word. I am continually amazed by the crap that gets published.
I’m rooting for you actually hearing good word. I am continually amazed by the crap that gets published.
I’m rooting for you actually hearing good word. I am continually amazed by the crap that gets published.
I love that! Though, I sadly had no idea how hard it is to get published… whoa.
I love that! Though, I sadly had no idea how hard it is to get published… whoa.
I love that! Though, I sadly had no idea how hard it is to get published… whoa.
You’ll never be rejected in the blogworld bf…you have fans everywhere. btw…i loved the last one!!!
You’ll never be rejected in the blogworld bf…you have fans everywhere. btw…i loved the last one!!!
You’ll never be rejected in the blogworld bf…you have fans everywhere. btw…i loved the last one!!!
Keep plugging. It does and will happen. I think many artists and writers don’t relish the marketing/publishing aspects of their work. You have an agent and a super attitude.
Many nonwriters don’t realize how hard it is to be published as I see here, too, in a comment above. I will have to dig through here when I have time or bribe a blog buddy with chocolate to tell me what the name of your short story collection is that you have already published. That is a major accomplishment!!
Keep plugging. It does and will happen. I think many artists and writers don’t relish the marketing/publishing aspects of their work. You have an agent and a super attitude.
Many nonwriters don’t realize how hard it is to be published as I see here, too, in a comment above. I will have to dig through here when I have time or bribe a blog buddy with chocolate to tell me what the name of your short story collection is that you have already published. That is a major accomplishment!!
Keep plugging. It does and will happen. I think many artists and writers don’t relish the marketing/publishing aspects of their work. You have an agent and a super attitude.
Many nonwriters don’t realize how hard it is to be published as I see here, too, in a comment above. I will have to dig through here when I have time or bribe a blog buddy with chocolate to tell me what the name of your short story collection is that you have already published. That is a major accomplishment!!
keroaced: thank you. but i’d settle for the bargain bin, at this rate.
glitzy: i’m amazed at the crapola that gets published too, but not surprised. big publishers are out to make a profit.
keroaced: thank you. but i’d settle for the bargain bin, at this rate.
glitzy: i’m amazed at the crapola that gets published too, but not surprised. big publishers are out to make a profit.
keroaced: thank you. but i’d settle for the bargain bin, at this rate.
glitzy: i’m amazed at the crapola that gets published too, but not surprised. big publishers are out to make a profit.
akh: it is a hard thing indeed. i will resist the urge to be cynical about the whole process.
michelle: thanks for the props. i expect you to be in line for my book tour down under. unfortunately, i doubt that’s going to happen.
green-eyed: i hope i didn’t give you the impression i’ve published a collection — the person i refer to is someone else. in any case, i appreciate the encouragement. nobody has ever accused me of having a “super attitude” before. perhaps i should make wife understand this.
akh: it is a hard thing indeed. i will resist the urge to be cynical about the whole process.
michelle: thanks for the props. i expect you to be in line for my book tour down under. unfortunately, i doubt that’s going to happen.
green-eyed: i hope i didn’t give you the impression i’ve published a collection — the person i refer to is someone else. in any case, i appreciate the encouragement. nobody has ever accused me of having a “super attitude” before. perhaps i should make wife understand this.
akh: it is a hard thing indeed. i will resist the urge to be cynical about the whole process.
michelle: thanks for the props. i expect you to be in line for my book tour down under. unfortunately, i doubt that’s going to happen.
green-eyed: i hope i didn’t give you the impression i’ve published a collection — the person i refer to is someone else. in any case, i appreciate the encouragement. nobody has ever accused me of having a “super attitude” before. perhaps i should make wife understand this.
You should take one of the rejection letters and place it on a dartboard and get in some dart practice. Afterward, you should take a picture of it so when the day you have your book published you can use that picture to dedicate your book to all the “inspiring” comments you received from Editors.
You should take one of the rejection letters and place it on a dartboard and get in some dart practice. Afterward, you should take a picture of it so when the day you have your book published you can use that picture to dedicate your book to all the “inspiring” comments you received from Editors.
You should take one of the rejection letters and place it on a dartboard and get in some dart practice. Afterward, you should take a picture of it so when the day you have your book published you can use that picture to dedicate your book to all the “inspiring” comments you received from Editors.
pretty funny bookfraud…come on, you can’t give up hope yet! I love that last letter…
pretty funny bookfraud…come on, you can’t give up hope yet! I love that last letter…
pretty funny bookfraud…come on, you can’t give up hope yet! I love that last letter…
Funny comments. Yep to the commercial thing… I often wonder how anything really good will ever get published despite this. Rejection letters sound like the comments from my High school English teacher.
Funny comments. Yep to the commercial thing… I often wonder how anything really good will ever get published despite this. Rejection letters sound like the comments from my High school English teacher.
Funny comments. Yep to the commercial thing… I often wonder how anything really good will ever get published despite this. Rejection letters sound like the comments from my High school English teacher.
goddess: my wrists are already flinging scores of darts at paper.
citygurl: i didn’t say i was giving up. but it is in my nature to be depressed, so let’s say i’ve reached a point of acceptance. that most editors suck.
imogene: thanks for stopping by. high school english teacher is a nice comparison. but i never fantasized about having sex with these editors.
goddess: my wrists are already flinging scores of darts at paper.
citygurl: i didn’t say i was giving up. but it is in my nature to be depressed, so let’s say i’ve reached a point of acceptance. that most editors suck.
imogene: thanks for stopping by. high school english teacher is a nice comparison. but i never fantasized about having sex with these editors.
goddess: my wrists are already flinging scores of darts at paper.
citygurl: i didn’t say i was giving up. but it is in my nature to be depressed, so let’s say i’ve reached a point of acceptance. that most editors suck.
imogene: thanks for stopping by. high school english teacher is a nice comparison. but i never fantasized about having sex with these editors.
I’d be the first one at the signing…pooh you can’t get down here, you and wife could have had a second honeymoon.
I’d be the first one at the signing…pooh you can’t get down here, you and wife could have had a second honeymoon.
I’d be the first one at the signing…pooh you can’t get down here, you and wife could have had a second honeymoon.
Best of luck- hope to see you kick ass and add a few notches to “The Spooky Art.” belt.
Best of luck- hope to see you kick ass and add a few notches to “The Spooky Art.” belt.
Best of luck- hope to see you kick ass and add a few notches to “The Spooky Art.” belt.
BF- I just checked by on my blog and there is a comment from “John” - He goes after you in a hard and heavy way. Thought you might want to check it out.
BF- I just checked by on my blog and there is a comment from “John” - He goes after you in a hard and heavy way. Thought you might want to check it out.
BF- I just checked by on my blog and there is a comment from “John” - He goes after you in a hard and heavy way. Thought you might want to check it out.
I too am excited to see you post a triumphant “Accepted!” entry. Only a matter of time.
I want to read it, so I’m relying on those shifty editors to wake up and smell the Bookfraud.
I too am excited to see you post a triumphant “Accepted!” entry. Only a matter of time.
I want to read it, so I’m relying on those shifty editors to wake up and smell the Bookfraud.
I too am excited to see you post a triumphant “Accepted!” entry. Only a matter of time.
I want to read it, so I’m relying on those shifty editors to wake up and smell the Bookfraud.
I have a few of my father’s rejection letters. He held onto them, not sure why. Are these letters to agents of publishers? Do you have an agent? By the way… this site rocks:
http://www.anotherealm.com/prededitors/
I have a few of my father’s rejection letters. He held onto them, not sure why. Are these letters to agents of publishers? Do you have an agent? By the way… this site rocks:
http://www.anotherealm.com/prededitors/
I have a few of my father’s rejection letters. He held onto them, not sure why. Are these letters to agents of publishers? Do you have an agent? By the way… this site rocks:
http://www.anotherealm.com/prededitors/
Good - I love a good epistolary scrap.
Good - I love a good epistolary scrap.
Good - I love a good epistolary scrap.
Keep sending it all over until someone gives you the right answer. You’ll get ‘er done!
Lois Lane
Keep sending it all over until someone gives you the right answer. You’ll get ‘er done!
Lois Lane
Keep sending it all over until someone gives you the right answer. You’ll get ‘er done!
Lois Lane
Wow! You’ve submitted a novel? Let us know how it goes.
Wow! You’ve submitted a novel? Let us know how it goes.
Wow! You’ve submitted a novel? Let us know how it goes.
bees: eds and preds is a great site. much thanks for the heads-up. i’m so thankful that i’m going to do something unprecidented in bookfraud’s short life:
bees: eds and preds is a great site. much thanks for the heads-up. i’m so thankful that i’m going to do something unprecidented in bookfraud’s short life:
bees: eds and preds is a great site. much thanks for the heads-up. i’m so thankful that i’m going to do something unprecidented in bookfraud’s short life:
goth: i published my response, and john seems to have gone berzerk. i’m letting the whole thing drop. waste of oxygen. sometimes you just have to say, fuck it.
goth: i published my response, and john seems to have gone berzerk. i’m letting the whole thing drop. waste of oxygen. sometimes you just have to say, fuck it.
goth: i published my response, and john seems to have gone berzerk. i’m letting the whole thing drop. waste of oxygen. sometimes you just have to say, fuck it.
lois lane: that’s the right attitude! unfortuanately, my agent is doing the sending, and i’m doing the waiting.
bugs: i’ve “submitted” in the loosest sense of the word.
lois lane: that’s the right attitude! unfortuanately, my agent is doing the sending, and i’m doing the waiting.
bugs: i’ve “submitted” in the loosest sense of the word.
lois lane: that’s the right attitude! unfortuanately, my agent is doing the sending, and i’m doing the waiting.
bugs: i’ve “submitted” in the loosest sense of the word.
that is so fucking awesome, fraud. great idea for a post. i often have problems with the endings of my stuff.
and the start and the middle, too.
that is so fucking awesome, fraud. great idea for a post. i often have problems with the endings of my stuff.
and the start and the middle, too.
that is so fucking awesome, fraud. great idea for a post. i often have problems with the endings of my stuff.
and the start and the middle, too.
Love this post! I had my novel placed with one of the biggest agencies in New York and the rejections she got ran along those lines. It’s just like that scene in “Sideways,” where the agent says “they loved it, they just don’t know how to market it.” I’ve heard that so many times, I’m going to have t-shirts made up.
Love this post! I had my novel placed with one of the biggest agencies in New York and the rejections she got ran along those lines. It’s just like that scene in “Sideways,” where the agent says “they loved it, they just don’t know how to market it.” I’ve heard that so many times, I’m going to have t-shirts made up.
Love this post! I had my novel placed with one of the biggest agencies in New York and the rejections she got ran along those lines. It’s just like that scene in “Sideways,” where the agent says “they loved it, they just don’t know how to market it.” I’ve heard that so many times, I’m going to have t-shirts made up.
Love the translations!
Love the translations!