Many years ago,an acquaintance of mine went to visit his brother at college. The dorm cafeteria was having a special “Steak Night,”and passed out tickets at the door —one person,one steak. The brother wasn’t feeling well,and gave his ticket to my friend,who went back to the server for a second slab of beef.
The woman serving the food behind the counter apparently resembled your stereotypical high-school cafeteria lady:heavy,pasty skin,hair net wrapped around a beehive. And also stubborn and rules-obsessed.
My friend went up and presented her the ticket,but she shook her head.
“No,you were here before,”she said. “You don’t get another steak. You get the chili egg-puff.”
Another story,more recent:a friend of mine was in town,and we met up at a bar with a friend of my friend (FOMF). The FOMF,who writes for a living,was interested in Wife’s and my fiction-writing career. Actually,let me correct that. When he inquired about my publishing credits,and I replied I barely had any,FOMF’s interest in me dwindled to bubkus and all of his attention was paid to Wife,who has published extensively.
No steak for you
Now,aside from being p.o.’ed by the whole thing,this is what I see as a nightmare scenario for the following week,yes,spent in Vancouver at the AWP conference. I meet someone. They sound interested in my novel. Where I have I published? Almost nowhere,I reply. Their interest dwindles. Their attention drifts elsewhere. They thought they were getting a steak. But it’s the chili egg-puff instead.
Now,I can hear you saying,“Enough with this whiny,neurotic,narcissistic crap about this stupid f-ing conference. Just go out and get tanked and throw up on the jerk! Shut up,bitch!”
I figured that Wife would be sympathetic. When I relayed my neuroses to Wife,a loving,supportive person and all-around good egg,she proceeded to laugh in my face. “You know a lot of people already! I’m going to be there. You’re going to have fun!”
She’s right of course,but the albatross does not leave my neck of its own volition. If there is one thing that makes me crazy —or rather,feel humiliated —it’s being ignored,dismissed,or otherwise disrespected because of my lack of credentials. Without going into a long,vitriolic resuscitation of my life’s neuroses,let’s just say it’s happened more than once,and not just with writing.
I realize that I am not the first person in the history of civilization to suffer such a fate. It happens every day,and I am probably guilty of it myself. If it were to happen to Wife or a friend,I’d say,fuckit,they’re assholes,you don’t need to know them. You don’t need strangers’approval for validation,for god’s sake.
So that’s the attitude I’m trying to take with me to Vancouver. They’re assholes. Everybody’s an asshole! I don’t need to know them —in fact,why should I even go? Maybe I’ll just stay here. That’ll show ‘em!
Ach,40 years and so many stupid thoughts.
Great attitude BF…..treat the bastards with contempt,then only good can come of it!!!
Happy Easter
)
Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I agree,fuck ‘em. And don’t let the lack of publishing upset you,it’ll happen,just keep writing. Happy Easter!
Lois Lane
I wish you the absolute best of luck in Vancouver. Few things are more difficult than getting published.
You will do fine,just keep that fuck ‘em attitude.
michelle:i’m the dude with the ‘tude. illigitimi non carborundum indeed.
lois lane:appreciate the support. hard to keep up the brave face after all these years,so thanks. happy purim too!
phoenix:i’m sure it will all pass in an alcoholic stupor but something good will come of it.
Personally,I think it’s the quality of the writing,not the quantity of the publishing,that makes a person interesting to talk to.
I’d much rather talk to Katherine Dunn than Danielle Steele. Danielle Steele can go to hell,and take her same-plot crap with her.
And I’m all for the “get drunk and puke on them”strategy.
Happy Weekend!
fraud-
can i get you to write a haiku for my blog?
i really wanna see it.
john
http://www.superbadass.net/blog
I so completely agree with Madame DeBarge. I also agree with getting drunk and puking on people. Trust me,even if you aren’t widely published,it certainly will ensure that people remember your face,if not your name.
You write good my friend. Give ‘em heck!
you must go!! and keep in mind,they are all assholes,they really are…
I have to agree with the audience on this one…show em’how to have fun and loosen up! or just get drunk and puke on them,that works too!
“Do what you want and say what you feel,because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!”–Dr. Seuss
UGH. The hellish catch-22 that is the life of a writer whose not yet published [or has a rather puny portfolio]. In order to be published you must be noticed but in order to be notice you must be…yeah whatever. Fuck ‘em. You know you’re the bomb. And so do we!
Mme. DeBarge:agree on all points. i’d rather have integrity than money,just as long as it’s a small sum.
cedia:hope you had a happy purim.
tblue:you inspired me,man.
mikeevil:thank you for a nice post. and of course you are right.
citygurl:i’m going,with brave face,liver prepped,and Wife in tow.
ahk:“loosen up”? I might as well get a sphincter transplant. but i appreciate the thought.
beesknees:aww,you’re makin’me blush.
The bitch of the matter is how to get credentials if you need credentials to get credentials. Quite honestly your blog writing is much more interesting and well written than a majority of the published crap I’ve read. I guess this is the way it’s always been though…Jose Conseco “writes”a bestseller. Give me an F-ing break.
[sigh]
I’ve never been published anywhere outside of my own blog. Every day I sit at my desk and edit the work of writers who’ve barely managed the basics of the English language.
Then what do I do? I publish their works. I submit them to Reuters and other news agencies,forward them to clients,and post them on the web.
That reminds me. There are a few writing contests I need to enter.
The bitch of the matter is how to get credentials if you need credentials to get credentials. Quite honestly your blog writing is much more interesting and well written than a majority of the published crap I’ve read. I guess this is the way it’s always been though…Jose Conseco “writes”a bestseller. Give me an F-ing break.
The bitch of the matter is how to get credentials if you need credentials to get credentials. Quite honestly your blog writing is much more interesting and well written than a majority of the published crap I’ve read. I guess this is the way it’s always been though…Jose Conseco “writes”a bestseller. Give me an F-ing break.
[sigh]
I’ve never been published anywhere outside of my own blog. Every day I sit at my desk and edit the work of writers who’ve barely managed the basics of the English language.
Then what do I do? I publish their works. I submit them to Reuters and other news agencies,forward them to clients,and post them on the web.
That reminds me. There are a few writing contests I need to enter.
[sigh]
I’ve never been published anywhere outside of my own blog. Every day I sit at my desk and edit the work of writers who’ve barely managed the basics of the English language.
Then what do I do? I publish their works. I submit them to Reuters and other news agencies,forward them to clients,and post them on the web.
That reminds me. There are a few writing contests I need to enter.
vis-vis self-assured awp attendees,think dog shit. i.e.:“i’m unpublished,and you? placed a few dog-shit stories in some dog-shit journal;hey,that’s great. thanks a lot for advancing the culture. . . . . piece-a dog shit.”
if the stellar minds of the awp organization ever do recognize your greatness,that’s prob’y the time to start worrying about egg-puffitude
speaking as one who knows naught . . .
vis-vis self-assured awp attendees,think dog shit. i.e.:“i’m unpublished,and you? placed a few dog-shit stories in some dog-shit journal;hey,that’s great. thanks a lot for advancing the culture. . . . . piece-a dog shit.”
if the stellar minds of the awp organization ever do recognize your greatness,that’s prob’y the time to start worrying about egg-puffitude
speaking as one who knows naught . . .
vis-vis self-assured awp attendees,think dog shit. i.e.:“i’m unpublished,and you? placed a few dog-shit stories in some dog-shit journal;hey,that’s great. thanks a lot for advancing the culture. . . . . piece-a dog shit.”
if the stellar minds of the awp organization ever do recognize your greatness,that’s prob’y the time to start worrying about egg-puffitude
speaking as one who knows naught . . .
my first visit to your blog –noted Confederacy of dunces in your faves list so surely you must be enjoying enduring the same battle for publication which Mother Toole had with the now-classic? Onward and upward!
my first visit to your blog –noted Confederacy of dunces in your faves list so surely you must be enjoying enduring the same battle for publication which Mother Toole had with the now-classic? Onward and upward!
my first visit to your blog –noted Confederacy of dunces in your faves list so surely you must be enjoying enduring the same battle for publication which Mother Toole had with the now-classic? Onward and upward!