As waxed upon earlier today, temperment informs one’s writing. So take the Bookfraud temperment test!
Tell what mood you’re in and fill in the blanks. Crab libs.
This story is about ____ (noun), in which ____ (proper noun) decides that ____ (proper noun) is a ____ ____ (adjective, noun) and she must ____ (verb or verb & noun). In one scene, a ____ (noun) ____ (verb) a ____ (noun), and when ____ (proper noun) ____ (verb) the ____ (noun), a ____ (noun) decides to ____ ___(verb, noun). There is a revelation near the end, in which ____ (proper noun) confronts her ____ ____ (adjective, noun) and with ____ ____ (adjective, noun) says, “____.” (whatever the hell you want).
This story is about the Great Western reservoir, in which The Sugar Company decides that the bitch widow of that dropped-dead Volga German — and yes the sheepdog’s failure to bark was awfully strange — is a goddamn obstructionist and she must buy the farm. In one scene, a judge hangs a piss, and when Chairman Cooper takes the Fifth, a Pinkerton decides to settle scores. There is a revelation near the end, in which Calamity Jane confronts her hobby horse and with clenched fingers says, “Yeeeee hawww.”
This story is about encyclopedia writers, in which Harry decides that Betsy is a shitty editor and she must be fired. In one scene, a coffee is spilled on a blouse, and when Betsy screams a curse, Shelton, the parochial president, decides to issue her a warning. There is a revelation near the end, in which Betsy confronts her devious nemesis Harry with a coffee-filled squirt gun and says, “Drink this, fuckface.”
I am still slightly hungover, irritated by work, and desperate to go home and take a nap. So my mood is perturbed.
This story is about an attorney, in which The Firm decides that Michelle is a gorgeous 40 something and she must jump through hoops. In one seen, a desk is tipped over a chair and when Mr Firm the prick, the chair and desk decide to screw the carpet. There is a revelation near the end, in which Michelle the attorney confronts her filthy desk and with gritted teeth says “Fuck Me”!
Reminds me of Mad Libs. Anybody remember those? Or am I just ancient?
Yeah, this is madlibs for fiction writing.
Super Bowl XXXIX/Scopes Trial II edition:
This story is about a *penisfarm*, in which *Lynne Cheney* decides that *Paul McCartney* is a *sleazy has-been*, and she must *destroy gaysex.* In one scene, a *manbreast squirts* a *stream of papaya juice*, and when *Janet Jackson drinks the juice,* a *storm trooper* decides to *end civil liberties.* There is a revelation near the end, in which *the boy king* confronts his *evil attorney generals* and with *stupid clarity* says, “The Passion of the Christ will replace evolution in biology class.”
Wait, I lied — I did say it was going to be fiction. Sorry.
This story is about its ending, in which the beginning decides that the story is the damsel in distress and she must live forever. In one scene, a middle comes first, and when the end arrives next, a beginning decides to come after. There is a revelation near the end, in which the story confronts her imminent demise and with even breath, says, “Fin.”
Nothing like a bit of meta-fiction to enliven things, Peter.
This story is about non sequiturs, in which the Bank of Canada decides that the Sarcastrix is a demented box of crackers and she must be refridgerated. In one scene, an inter-galactic battle cruiser defeats a box of chocolates, and when the puny humans surrender the sense-making device, a small god decides to defy gravity. There is a revelation near the end, in which the Sarcastrix confronts her imaginary blog readers and with ill-advised temerity says, ‘I wear the cheese, the cheese does not wear me’.